GAL Man So much to say....and I tend to mumble for paragraphs so I will bulletize for your reading pleasure!
1. The harder WAW's run, the more they are unsure of what they are doing. From my personal experience, and reading some of the forums, I have learned that in many sitch they are very unsure of what they are doing, and believe that "just getting it over with" will help them successfully run away from you, your family, and their own emotions.
2. I know this will be hard to hear, but OM was probably in the picture before the separation. Your sitch may be different, but from what I have seen she most likely heavily leaned on him for her emotional support. Regardless she is officially in the fog now. Nothing you can do except work on yourself, and give OM time to show his own negative qualities. This also means no snooping....
3. She wants to haphazardly run away? Fine, but she needs to learn the consequences of her actions. Whether it's the fog, or MLC she probably believes that life will BE SO GREAT without you. Unfortunately she will have to learn this for herself, you can't help her move forward, but you sure can hinder her progress. I know many will disagree, but go ahead and offer your help to her for basic life necessities, food, shelter, water. Don't kick her to the curb, this just gives her another excuse to make you the bad guy. Don't sweat small expenses, but if she asks for a large sum. Say you are willing to help, because you love her, but have some sort of written evidence you gave her money so you can subtract it from the final settlement. If she gets upset about this remind her you love her, and want to help her, but she is forcing this undesirable situation on the both of you. Remind her D is not pretty, and things like this are part of the process. Other then that let her worry about how she will pay for cable TV, drinks with the girls, and all those fun things she plans to do without you. Trust me she has a list, most WAW's do.
4. 180's GAL and DB are paramount! Embrace change, for her and mostly for you. You need to be attractive to her again, this is way to do it.
5. On OM. As said before, some may disagree, but YES you are competing with OM, just not in the way you think of. She is most likely constantly trying to convince herself how much better he is than you. She is most likely ignoring all his flaws, while highlighting yours. It's time to work on your flaws! Take away all her excuses. GALing will help you highlight your good qualities. That being said telling her why she should stay, and all your good qualities will just make you look needy, and desperate. Not good. You need to SHOW her through GAL, and 180's and DB. The show her part will take a very LONG time. Especially since she has most likely spent a very long time trying to convince herself on how unattractive you are.
6. Do not pursue, no R talk, no jealousy, or snooping. No pursuing behaviors.
7. Absolute positivity is a must! She sees you as this lame, boring, angry insert negative adjective here, guy. Being sad, depressed, angry, resentful will just prove this to her. Be the type of positive guy you would want to hang out with.
8. Finally has she told you why she is leaving you? Her concerns and complaints are a good jumping point for positive change in yourself. My W told me I was too loud.... She's not the only to have said that, so I have made a very conscious effort to work on it. Look at it this way, even if she does leave chances are that negative traits she doesn't like about you might sink your next relationship. Might as well start working on them now....
I'll leave it at that for now... let me know what you think. Take this as a chance to grow.
