Holidays are Killers it would seem . They should be just like any other day but for some reason they are not.
Work seems to be place of solace these days ; not home. That is such an effed up concept. Home should be were the heart is but I fear that it isnt any longer.
hang in there Karma.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Your wife is playing a dangerous (and dirty) game. In our state, if a parent hinders the communicatioins between another parent and their child, or bad mouths the other parent , it is called "parental alienation" and it can cost the one doing it, custody.
As for the journal, she's had it awhile and yet let you care for the d alone for hours or days at a time, correct? How dangerous could she have believed you to be? IThat means she trusted you with the d's care until she wanted to extort you w/the journal. NOT going to work...it's like people who say their spouse is a dangerous drunk, BUT HAVE LET THAT SAME "DANGEROUS DRUNK" care for their children for hours and days at a time, only to whip out that threat when there's a divorce. Courts frown on that, a lot. It's too convenient. But things like showing up for your d, do matter. Missing her birthday was a mistake, so was missing out on her illness. You can't throw your hands up and do the "I'm too weak" routine anymore, or you will lose her. Your d is worth manning up for, or no one is. Simply put, Do it, or lose her.
Keep the nasty talks between the L's and refer your w's anger to her L. That's what you retain them for. So when she goes off on you, tell her to call her L and have them work it out b/c you aren't going to keep doing that dance where you get mistreated. You insist on it in fact, warn her, then you calmly say "Call me when you are calmer" and hang up.
If she revises the marriage too much for you, (= if it's important -like when she calls you a bad dad) you can say "are you trying to damage the R I have with our D? That's NOT something courts like. It's bad for HER. You are the one who deceived me, removing her from the area, so ask YOUR L how that looks...b/c some people call it parental abductions. BUT What matters is now, and how we can be adults about this, putting her first and your anger after..."
She could be accused of abducting[/b] SO, if she wants to talk about who is playing dirty, you might bring that up, but do it in a way that shows you have cards up your sleeves which you have chosen NOT to use....yet. She does not have ALL the cards.
When it comes to this type of stuff, the nitty gritty of custody and money, you do what you have to do to see your d, without consideration of what your w would like or prefer or if she's more likely to see you favorably, etc. What matters FIRST is the custody issue. DB says, take care of business. You have to. The rest will follow.
Don't care/worry or believe that her anger at you fighting for your d, will be there forever. If anything, down the road, this will make a positive impression on her. How can it not? Sure, NOW she's mad...but down the road, what healthy woman would blame the father of her child for wanting to be with that child?
And your L must make clear that your w CANNOT make it harder for you to see or talk to your d. It's your legal and moral right. Assert it. Otherwise she'll say "since when?" And it might be used against you if you haven't been pursuing it consistently. Make sense? Otherwise, believe it or not, I think things are finally happening in a way that makes you look like a man, and Not a doormat who is terrified of his wife.
Keep your L posted on the "parental alienation" stuff and shut that poop down NOW...she has to let you see and talk to your D!!!
This could be progress, not the reverse. Just mho.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Your wife is playing a dangerous (and dirty) game. In our state, if a parent hinders the communicatioins between another parent and their child, or bad mouths the other parent , it is called "parental alienation" and it can cost the one doing it, custody.
I guess the shock is that i convinced myself that she would not. Daughter does not have habit of talking much on the phone. Usually wife prods her to talk. I liked that technique. But since friday, she just hands the phone to daughter. I cannot seem to get daughter to talk much. I just wish she's consistent in her behavior. If she decides not to involve herself during our convo, she should do that even if things are okay. But yea, i am just gonna persist to talk to daughter.
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As for the journal, she's had it awhile and yet let you care for the d alone for hours or days at a time, correct? How dangerous could she have believed you to be? IThat means she trusted you with the d's care until she wanted to extort you w/the journal. NOT going to work...it's like people who say their spouse is a dangerous drunk, BUT HAVE LET THAT SAME "DANGEROUS DRUNK" care for their children for hours and days at a time, only to whip out that threat when there's a divorce. Courts frown on that, a lot. It's too convenient.
I guess the biggest irony is that wife herself said so many times that i was one of the better dads she has known in our friends circle. Never missed a single appt for daughter for her doctor even if it meant missing out on important meetings at work. I always wanted to be there for both wife and daughter. I am just gonna assume that she does not know what she is saying out of anger.
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But things like showing up for your d, do matter. Missing her birthday was a mistake, so was missing out on her illness. You can't throw your hands up and do the "I'm too weak" routine anymore, or you will lose her. Your d is worth manning up for, or no one is. Simply put, Do it, or lose her.
I agree with you wholly. But at the same time, i did not wanna break down in front of her family if i had visited for daughter's d-day. Honestly i don't i would have made it 210 miles alone without going crazy. About the sickness, i guess i should have. Yup, i do plan on seeing her more often now.
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When it comes to this type of stuff, the nitty gritty of custody and money, you do what you have to do to see your d, without consideration of what your w would like or prefer or if she's more likely to see you favorably, etc. What matters FIRST is the custody issue. DB says, take care of business. You have to. The rest will follow.
So wife says that environment was getting toxic for daughter at home because i was not bubbly with her. So now she says that i don't deserve joint custody because of that. But then she says that she wants me to be there in daughter's life. Just that she should have full say in daughter's life. None of this makes sense. Somehow wife thinks that she can provide daughter with a more stable life at her parents place by herself than us parenting togehther. I guess the biggest irony here is that wife said once that we made the best parents if not necessary the best married couple. Now she is violating her own words.
From your suggestions if there's one thing i am taking away, it is that i have to stand up for myself and for my daughter right now. Otherwise the way i see it, i'll just fade away in my daughter's life and i cannot let that happen.
Thanks 25.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
From your suggestions if there's one thing i am taking away, it is that i have to stand up for myself and for my daughter right now. Otherwise the way i see it, i'll just fade away in my daughter's life and i cannot let that happen.
Thanks 25.
That is exactly what I am saying. Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Today daughter just said 'i dont want to talk to you' when i called up to talk to her. I dont think she had any idea what she was saying. All i could say is that i love her and that i'll talk to her later.
Called up again after 15 mins to see if daughter changed her mind. Now she was busy playing with wife's nieces. Then talked to wife on what i should do to get daughter to talk to me. Wife gave some pointers.
self pity just came rushing in after i hung up. But i had to drive it away. Or i'll just end up feeling very sh***y.
But i could not help but imagine how my parents must have felt during times when they so much wanted to talk to daughter, but she did not know them well enough to even talk to them. That was 1 year ago. I am now in a similar boat. This really s*cks.
I am planning on visiting her on 21st. Can wait to see her and give her the Ipod touch. Maybe then it wont feel this bad because then i'll be able to see her.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I am planning on visiting her on 21st. Can wait to see her and give her the Ipod touch. Maybe then it wont feel this bad because then i'll be able to see her.
Great to hear man. Glad you're going to see your D. It will be great for both of you.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Hope things get better with your D Karma. That would really upset me if that was going on in my life. I cant imagine what you are going through. Keep being nice to her despite whatever she throws your way. You know where that is coming from. Im sure on the 21st you will get her to warm up to you given the proper chance.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
