Thanks for the comments. Its funny, I actually have recently started wondering if one of the big things holding him back is whether he believes I can truly be happy with HIM. That's something I am going to have to explore - I know in my heart of hearts that I CAN be happy with him but perhaps my past actions have lead him to believe otherwise. I've never had crazy high expectations of how our life together should be, but in the past, I have definitely given him slack about working too much, not spending enough time with the boys etc. And he has proven during our separation that he can actually put his family first. I think there is a lot of room in our relationship for compromise. Before I would have been annoyed if he wasn't home at a decent time most days of the week. Now, I think I would be more than happy if he committed to coming home a decent time say twice a week. Anyways, regardless of whether I know I can be happy with him again, if he doesn't believe me, I don't know how I would convince him.
In terms of getting out of the house, my H comes home for me to go to bootcamp twice a week - the rest of the week he just can't get home from work at a decent time. And he absolutely cannot pick the kids up from daycare, so I am always on the hook for that. On saturdays, I tend to do as many errands as I can - groceries, haircuts etc, as its quite hard to get stuff done with the two little ones during the week. Also, given their ages, my life is pretty focused around their activities - swimming lessons, soccer, they are both in speech therapy, birthday parties etc. I am really struggling being a single parent right now and trying to GAL at the same time. I know I will find the balance eventually, but at the same time I value every single moment with my babies, because I know deep down I may eventually only have them 50% of the time (which I swear would kill me). Having said all of that, H has been helping as much as he can - he will pick up groceries for me on the way over if I ask, will do whatever he can outside of his working hours, he's offered to sleep over several times so I can sleep in etc Him and I both know that we have a pretty darn good relationship that I sometimes wonder if he's thinking to himself 'oh this is so great - we can be really good friends when we get divorced' - I have to wonder if he thinks everything would stay the same (short of the physical relationship which of course would end).
Ahhh I don't know - deep down I just cant imagine how we could ever possible divorce, given how good things are, but then I just wonder if I am being totally naive, as his words and his action don't line up. I don't know if I should be fighting for this marriage - or give up graciously while we are on good terms.
