Chris, I'd recommend the book "Not Just Friends" for both you and your W. It looks at how affairs develop from the standpoint of all those involved. It also looks at ways of healing and forgiving, again from each standpoint.

I would think that a MC saying that you need a D right off would be grounds for immediate firing! My W has been to a few joint sessions with me and my IC and he just guided us into productive ways of expressing how we were feeling.

Me 43 W 38
M 5 T 7
SD20
S15, S13 with 1st W
ILYBNILWY June 2010
Separation/Bomb July 2010
Divorce Feb 8, 2011