You have my sympathies with an oppositional SS. My oldest was like that until he turned at least 22. Life in our house was completely unpleasant. And nothing but time made it better. Eventually, he grew up and became a decent person.
He says we weren't strict enough with him. But I still don't know how you can be strict with someone who willfully disobeys everything that you say. I remember times he would jump in and out of the car when I was trying to go somewhere. Or stand behind the car when I tried to pull out of the driveway. What could I have done, other than give up? I couldn't run down my own son.
All in all, I'd have to say, that my best advice is to force him to take his consequences. Do not rescue him at school, or with the police. It isn't likely to be either you or your wife who teaches him that he has to respect authority. it will be others. Get out of the way and let them do their jobs.
