I think part of me putting all of this on it being about the kids and being easier - is a way of avoiding saying that I still love XH and feel stupid for doing so after so long. I forget I don't have to bluff over here, lol. That's what I tell my family when I tell them that we take the kids to the park together, or took DD1 together to a movie, or he hangs out at the house, etc. I think that also helps keep my own emotional involvement at a minimum at this point.
The not fighting - we had a relationship/marriage for almost a decade where we didn't fight over much - until he met OW. And after that was "settled", it was about money. Child support is being taken care of now, so we've had nothing to fight about.
I know his life isn't easy financially. It's also not easy for him to be away from his kids. It's hard for me to be in his head because I would have never imagined leaving my kids, so it's hard for me to think that missing them/us the motivation. We're both surviving, I'm just doing it better.
I don't pay much attention to his actions now. He doesn't go out and drink the way he used to. We talk almost every day, throughout the day, and text a lot. We spend a lot of time together when we're transitioning the kids from one place to the other. He does compliment me more often (saying I'll "never find a guy who is cool enough" for me) He talks a lot about how miserable life is for him now, but this is the first step he's really made towards changing the way things are between us - I haven't pushed a relationship/friendship on him.
I do want a partner who loves and respects me. I worry about being the back-up plan... I made it clear last night when he brought this up that I wasn't looking for a roommate, that if I was going to share my home I want a partner.
Quote:
[/quote] Kids are a good reason to give things a second chance. IF that is truly what YOU want in YOUR heart. Not because it is easier…but because you truly want and believe that this person can participate in YOUR happiness.
I don't really believe that doing this is going to be "easier". But I think I want to have tried this for them, to know that I really, truly did everything I could.
Does he make you laugh - yes Can you believe him - I *think* so Is this good for the kids - I think so Does Therapy sound like a good idea - yes, I currently see someone but I think it might be a dealbreaker to go together or him go on his own.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
