Of Men or of Angels

[punkin]

True,

I keep starting a reply here, and keep deleting and starting again. What I want to say is hard to put into words succinctly.

This is hard, and it hurts like He!! Going through the divorce was so hard when I know in my heart that I still love the man. But I accept that to stay in this situation not only continued the hurt, but continued to give him an excuse not to move forward. Why should he when he can just blame everything on me? I had to take myself out of the equation.

Facing that there is absolutely nothing we can do in this situation is horrible for people like us. Letting go and letting God is much easier said than done. But all the homilies ( if you love something, let it go, if it comes back, blah, blah, blah) have more than a grain of truth to them.

I believe there is no "too late". Although going through with this is killing you inside, it may be the only way to unstick the situation your W finds herself in.

So do whatever you believe in your heart is the right thing to do at this point, whether that is to proceed with a divorce, or continue as you have, but try your hardest, either way, to let God be the pilot not the co-pilot on this one. ( Am I the winner of greatest amount of homilies in one sentence, or what)

[Truegritter]

Thanks Pun.

I know that I have to move past this.

For my W:

You can surround yourself with people who condone your unhealthy choices, or don't challenge them or don't even know you enough to do that. You can create a whole new reality when you choose this and leave all the tough stuff behind you. You don't want to go back to the people who challenge you. The people whose trust you damaged because of your choices. Who may look at you and have opinions of you because of your actions. They don't care about you really, they only really care about me and they don't know that it was all my fault. That I was making you behave that way. That behavior of yours that gave them great concern for me and my well being. I will tell them all it was my fault. That will solve the problem. I made you do it.

I agree it is easier to be the victim of me. I drove you to your choices because I didn't accept the ones you were making. I didn't want them as part of my life. An alcoholic friend living with us? Everyone should have one it's fun. I created such an unbearable marital environment and forced you to behave the way you did. To seek solace from another man.

You are right. My friends and family never gave you a chance, they never were on your side. You don't want to go back to those feelings and that is all because of me. I am responsible for their opinion of you. You went into crisis because of me.

I don't blame you for not wanting to work on our M. That is a horrible, challenging thing to overcome. And you have been through enough. You deserve better. If I was the victim of my behavior toward you I wouldn't want to work on our M either.

It is easier to run away and confirm to everyone including yourself that you are not worthy of their trust. That their opinion of you is the truth.

I give up. You have convinced me. I believe you.

I finally believe you.

[Truegritter]

Is there an LBS stage called EXTREMELY SARCASTIC FRUSTRATION OUTBURST?

I just created it...

Let's call it the BITTER GRITTER stage.

This too shall pass.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Yeah, I believe there is.

Just don't drop roots there.

[dl443322]

Ok True, you got that out now, right?

Sweetie, I know it hurts to come to the realization that your w is still deep in all this.

But, you know the truth. That's what matters.

She, well, she has a very hard road that she must travel. And you must get out of the way and let her.

[Truegritter]

Ok True, you got that out now, right?

Yes I got it out AND I feel better.

I am seeing W today. Well I am not going to say that with certainty there is always something that comes up so she can't do what she has comitted to doing.

I am meeting her to get some of my things.

This will be the first time we have seen each other since last July.

I am not kidding.

I don't have the frustration after posting ^^^^ that.

Way, way back in the beginning Lost for Words told me that most likely she will have to deal with the childhood abuse issue before our R can have a shot.

I am not a phsychologist but it seems to me the victim stance is entrenched in how she deals with life.

You either agree that she is the victim and help her defend against the dragons OR you are one of the dragons.

That is it really right now.

I let you know how it goes...if it goes.

[Grace_O]

HUGS

[Truegritter]

I just had to post this before I leave to drive to meet up with W.

I went for a run this a.m. around the lake where I live which I do several times a week in the mornings.

I have lived here a little over two months now.

It started out like every other run.

The last quarter mile runs along a smaller connected lake.

This morning I saw no fewer than 9 fluffy wild bunnies grazing at the water's edge .

I have never seen them before.

I am telling you this because if I see any flying unicorns today I am going to sh!t myself!

The message: For me? If you look around there a fluffy bunnies everywhere!

Everyone have a great day.

I am sincerely going to try.

[ericmsant2]

True
Look deep in your heart and the answer is really there.
Your next steps will be decided by YOU.
Fixer….responsibility….committment….love….hope….peace…fear….
You know these words…you have faced them like many here…
Live them….
Live them the way YOU want to live them.
Face’em…
And I am with Punkin…ya want children…I have a 17 year old anger young man that may be a perfect fit for you 

She is still blaming you and is unable to take responsibility for her part in all this.

Agree with B….She may never face it although I am hopeful that one day she just may. IF that day comes, then Grit….you choose.

Is there an LBS stage called EXTREMELY SARCASTIC FRUSTRATION OUTBURST?

Yes, Chapter 7 page 55 of the DB book – JK…lol

I am seeing W today

Be strong buddy….be strong….be YOURSELF….As for her…she will be well what she wants to be. As hard as it may be…try not let any frustration take you back to a place where you do not want to be. Be calm, be true, BE…….
TRUEGRIT!
Love ya man….you know how to reach me…
Peace
Eric

[MHL]

Not much to add Grit.....

Otherthan my thoughts are with ya brother....

Be careful today......

Be a little selfish.....

meaning

Watch out for you, don't get sucked in.

Be true to Grit.

Don't be an A$$ but resist the urge to don the armor and slay her dragons.

It will be hard when you see her.

Cheers

~C