Have you ever read about PEAS? You can type that into word search on Internet and it explains how her brain is working. I had never heard or read it before I came here, but it sure described my condition.
I believe it would help you understand why she had the first A and then after she M him, it didn't last more than six months. Then she wanted to go back home, and then she's in another EA. She is addicted to the "in love" feelings that she experiences when in a new A with a new man. Some may laugh at the idea, but I can tell you that it is a very strong craving and it's enough that a woman will leave her children to be with a new man.
Whatever was lacking in the M and she wasn't getting her emotional feelings fed.....that was the real problem. When a new man came along and began filling her emotional needs, then she was vulnerable and became hooked.
IMHO, I do not think it is fair to you or the kids to wait to tell them the day she leaves. That dumps everything in your lap while she is free to leave and not deal with the pain she has caused her children.
I believe that a WAW who is in an EA/PA must experience some type of loss. Otherwise, she will continue jumping from one A to another. Her wanting to have "family" get-togethers once a month is one example of her wanting to have her finger in both slices of the pie, so to speak. She wants a small degree of what should be "normal" (her family life), but she doesn't want to commit and doesn't want any of the responsibility.
Loving unconditionally not does mean that you become a doormat. Your W & kids need you to be strong and be the leader that God wants you to be. Even though you won't see this side of your W, she must feel respect for you before she will feel love for you.
She will not listen to your words right now, so don't talk about the MR. Work on becoming the man God wants you to be and see how much you may have changed from who you were when she fell in love with you.
You need to financially protect you and the children. I would suggest that you have an account set up that she cannot touch. Being a WAW in an A, and especially in the mental state she's in.....will cause her to do things she never would have before.
Avoid sounding "preachy" or self-righteous whenever you speak to her. You cannot control her. If you have turned her over to God, then that means you have to release her from your grip.
You do need to get out and GAL, but do not discuss any of it with her. Prepare some type of answer to give her that is vague. Don't lie to her, but don't reveal everything. Things are different in the R now and you are not required to tell her. As long as somebody knows how to reach you by phone...that's enough. Make sure you have some type of back-up plan for GAL if nothing more than going to the mall to look around.
Pull away from her and do not be available to her. She has to experience consequences of her decisions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
