Major Goal - reconcilliation of marriage and start again, the time frame would be 12 - 24 months realistically
The time line is a goal, not a deadline, right?
Step goals
1. We speak on the phone about the kids once a week for 20 minutes with no r talk or tension. 3 months Great...goal timeline, not a "deadline", right?
2. We can have coffee together at a neutral location for an hour with no r talk. 5 months Same thing...it's a good goal but the timelines are reference points/goals...not ultimatums, correct? Ultimatums are fine and acceptable IF AND ONLY IF, YOU ARE PREPARED TO LIVE WITH THE RESULTS....
3 wife proactively calls me and interacts spontaneously - 6 months
4 we have neutral family lunch / dinner with kids at restaurant - 8 months
5. Wife stops any d activity ( lawyers, accountants etc ) - 8 months.
6. She recognises some positive things about me and our marriage together and tells me so - 12 months
what are you doing to create these positive images in her?
These positives would be...Things you are working on? Let's list those positive traits you are cultivating and negatives you are working on resolving...
7 She stops the affair - now, ok asap then
We discuss going to MC together - 12 months
The thing is I imposed no contact with her last week. It was after the trip where she and the om took my children on a holiday and she had said it was a work trip...I feel I was justified in
you were angry...you reacted in anger.
doing that as it was a major breach of my boundaries and honesty involving our children and it was blantantly in my face. I think she would have lost all respect for me if I hadnt done something.I dont think she has much respect for me now to be honest.
You think she'll respect you more now, b/c you won't talk to her? Think about that some more.
When I emailed her about it, I said she would always be part of the family and we would always support her, but her activities didnt co exist with my boundaries , so i had to stop communication and get on with my new life/ I closed with saying we care about her and her wellbeing. It was written as if from a concerned friend but with a ramification.
Sometimes we use a parental voice with our WAS and that's when we shut down their inner voice. Make sense? Consider that some and see what you think.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
