Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 4

[AJM80]

Or you can just say, Are you really mad at me right now because I'm being agreeable and pleasant to talk to, or is something else going on?

I think, in the right circumstances, you can tease your wife a little and still make a serious point. Look, you were mad at me because I wasn't listening to you during our marriage and now you're mad at me because I am listening to you AND we've both discovered that I appreciate and sometimes even agree with your views on things. Can we agree that I recognize my failure to listen to you, have been working on it, and give me credit for my progress, rather than fighting about me being agreeable? You're sharing your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of our relationship. I may not have the same views all the time, but I can certainly still appreciate and acknowledge your take on it, just like I hope you can do the same with my point of view. We're still disagreeing sometimes, so don't think I'm just rolling over and agreeing with everything you say to get a pat on the head from the therapist.

I'm not sure you're in the right situation to have that kind of dialogue. But, if you need her to back off and quit being so critical, I think you do need to politely stick up for yourself. If she's being snotty to save her arguments for leaving, it's not your job to just take it, but know that she is trying to justify what she did however she can. Someday, soon, hopefully, she'll be able to admit why it is so upsetting for her. (that you'd change, that this all didnt have to happen, that maybe she was wrong)