Who am I now?

[AntoniaB]

Hey IB, first of all, I am, like, WOW, when I read your post. What a different person in such a short time!! You sound really terrific, actually. You sound clear and hopeful and forward-thinking!

As for how you decide what you are or what you want, honestly, I think it will just sort of come over you! I think as you start to do the things you love again and new things you'll feel your way into who you are.

Like you, I have a lot of really close relationships now with others that I didn't have before and better rel. with those I was closer to. I think that is actually part of our "new" identity, so you've already identified that part of what you want now is closer relationships with others.

But when you say that you can go anywhere you want but it doesn't feel quite right yet, then I think that means that your old self which had a sort of "pre-set life" in her mind still tries to hang on to you, but your new self is just looking at all these possibilities, and eventually, SHE will take over. If there is one thing that this experience does FOR us it may be that in taking away one path that we believed was ours for life, that we thought we WANTED for life, that we see how things can change at the drop of a hat--and so the GOOD part of that is that WE can change at the drop of a hat. So if you want something in your life tomorrow, you go work at it. And if you change your mind later, then you do. You just go with the flow.

Embrace the fact that you don't HAVE to decide what it is you want today and when you decide what you want, it will be effortless!