Wow, where do I start. It really pays to go back to the beginning to understand where we are at. When we met, we were opposites. She was a rocker girl, and I was a young professional. We were both in the art field, so that is what started the conversation. But, from there, she was struggling and misguided with money, relationships, and a career. I, on the other hand, had a career and was very understanding. I think she saw me as stability, and I was enamoured with her outgoing personality. Well, we dated a short time, then had a hicccup. A big one. She kissed and dated my best friend. That crushed me, and I struggled to say the least for awhile. We each moved on but a short time later realized we were both miserable and we decided to try it again.
Well, a year later we were married and I feel on the right track. We get back from our honeymoon, and find that her parents were divorcing. This crushed her and she started to go for therapy. She went for six months and I find out 6 months ago, that she was also going to figure out how to deal with me and my faults. I did go a few times with her, but felt really cornered (I never really did live that one down). So, we move on with our life, and did have arguments, which I never really thought were any different than any other couple. Looking back on it, they were very similiar arguments, over and over. I did something wrong, she gets mad, I don't apologize correctly, and she starts building a wall and resentment. Well, this happens 10 years, as she tells me now.
One of the differences between us is, she is very outgoing, and I am more introverted. As the years pass, she develops new relationships, while pulling away from me, becoming less affecionate, and and a result, me, more frustrated.
We wait 5 or 6 years, then try to have a child. We struggle, but eventually she become pregnant, and we have a baby boy. It seems we are doing well. Most recently I ask how did we get there ito have a baby if she felt so much resentment, and she says she waited because she wasn't sure about us. However, she was getting older and she wanted a baby so she decided to do it.
Then comes the big bomb this New years day, saying she has had it, she has tried for 10 years to make it work, but I never listened. She says I am controlling, I don't respect her, I am defensive and bark at her. I reflect and do see things on her part that do not help our situation, but I am willing to work with her to resolve our issues. She is not though. So, as a last resort I have started doing the 180 technique.
Some of the items I do 1. Don't call or text her - don't want to control her 2. Don't quiz her about her nights out 3. Try to be independant - act busy 4. Don't hug or make advances - don't want to smother her
While not a lot, I feel like this is what she wants as she is done with the relationship. So I struggle keeping to this as I am not sure if any of this will really work. Any tips of what else I can do will help me a great deal.
Thanks for responding. It seems I am really at the end of the rope.
