My sons prayer.....

[RedNailPolish]

OK Im really confused by your post. Ive read alot of other posts that say to ignore OW. Pretend that she doesnt exist. Concentrate on me and being the best person I can be. By acknowledging OW wouldnt I be validating their R? I dont want to validate their R. I want H to see the changes that I have made. The good things that he used to love about me. Yes I realise that the changes I make are for me - and Im glad I am making them. Its not been easy but I feel good about the changes. They are making my life better and I feel happier about me. Sad about our marriage but happy about me.

H has made comments about me being my old self again. I know that these changes arent for H. They are for my benefit but it feels good that he at least notices. And likes what he sees. Ego boost for me.

I feel so confused today.....

S & I are meant to be meeting up with H tonight. I was going to go and act "as if". Ive been having good success with these outings. We have all been having a great time. H doesnt contact us for a few days after. But I expect it now and dont get too upset about it. Yes I do still check my phone but I know in time this too will stop.

I have a confession to make. I still have access to H's bank account. Up until last weekend I was checking it daily. Yes i know bad bad bad! I made a promise to myself not to check it anymore. And even though its only been a few days I havent checked it and I feel good about this.

Also I was on sleeping pills for a few weeks. My counsellor told me to stop taking these as it can become addictive and that it would be bad for my health and bad for S if i became addicted to them. When she mentioned S - I immediately stopped taking them. Its been over a week and a half and I havent taken them. However, I only sleep for 4-5hrs but again I know that this too will get better with time.