Thanks all, I will continue to pray for sure, as I always have.H and I have always prayed out loud before dinner since we were first married hand in hand. I am very comfortable with praying alone or with my H. Now, I miss praying with him, but I turn to God a lot while H is gone and pray out loud before bed.
I was invited to my in laws for dinner tonight. They said, H is also avoiding them, just like the last time he left me. He only popped into his parents for a few minutes on mothers day and wouldnt even sit. They said, he acted like every thing is just peachy in his life. Also, they said he walked to and from their house to the motel he is staying at. (that is very unusual for my H).
I am starting to think that my H is definetly cycling back through some of the MLC stages (possibly replay, depression & withdrawl - all together at once). He probably ran back into the tunnel due to my Nagging about the time he spends at bars.
He came over today to drop work crap off in our garage that he still uses weekly. I was on my way out. It was the first time we have seen each other since he left again. He looked worn out and like crap. I just said, I have to leave - sorry. So he said no prob and moved his truck for me. I waved to him as I left and he waved back. It was so weird to see him, I was shaking. I felt like his eyes were cold as stone and filled with guilt.
I dont think he is just choosing a path of adultery, I see this as a MLC. As, He has not ever "been with" any OW. He has just pursued a stripper (EA only since she was a lesbian and did not want my H), and now I have suspicions about a bar tender ( who he has pursued, and she flirts to do her job but she is happy with her boyfriend who is a cop in our town, and she has told people that she disrespects my H).
I think the pursuing is his way of testing the waters out in the world, just like a teenager. Because he is so unsure of wether or not he can be a H to me or if he even wants to be married at all. I am really glad that all the women he has chased have all rejected him in one way or another, I dont know if I would be here if he were to have a PA. I think I would be done.
right now, my H's mistress is simply the bottle. He cant think straight or see the damage he is doing currently due to his alcoholic fog. Only time will tell - Went to alanon tonight, and that is what several memebers said to me. TIPPER
