It is a very humbling experience to have someone you dont know give such heartfelt and valuable advice and I wanted to thankyou for making so much effort. What you have said has really hit home for me and given me a wakeup.
Seperation I moved out as at the time the coldness from my wife, was just too much and she kept wanting space. Now at the time I hadnt found db and I didnt know about the om. so would I do that now, no but there is no way I can move back in as om drops in overnight when he is in town.
Finances This has been worrying me. My wife started spending extravagantly from the getgo, First month I went ok retail therapy is good for her, second month now I am going this has got to be curtailed as it is out of control. So I am having my accountants go through all liabilities, mortgages etc to see where we are, thats all. I was going to split the joint bank account and stop the joint credit cards, just to put a halt on the drain. My wife has other bank accounts,credit cards and a substantial exec salary. The problem is how do you communicate this and not look vindictive.... finances can be very emotional
Pride / ego I definately took this piece to heart as I am guilty of that. And when I look back on some of my actions, they do seem motivated intrinsically by ego and pride.
I need to rethink my strategy here in light of this. The bit you said about does it bring me closer to my goal of reconcilliation is something I have lost sight of, so I will redo my goals.
I dont pursue, in fact last week I asked her to stop contacting me. The problem with that, is that I now feel I have painted myself into a corner. I thought if she started to see the reality of her situation, not the foggy fun of the affair, it may get her to think about things more. But I take your point about not teacking them lessons.
The thing is, I am definately controlling. The things that make you successful in business, dont neccessarily make you successful in your relationships. At right now,I have to say, I just dont know how to build that bridge of communication back to her. We are in no contact. I am not supporting her in her travel requests. I did that because she often says it is a business trip and instead goes on a holiday with om.
I can forgive her, I think no matter how smart and experienced she is, we all get a bit crazy in the head, despondent at where we are at and do some stupid self centred things. So I can look at this and go yes I can see where you came from. The thing is she will think I will be harshly judgemental and make her pay for it. And frankly some of the things I am doing will look like that...
So now 25 I need to rework my goals, and my approach to her. Im GALing , but need to get better at that. the 180 of backing off I dont know if it working as I dont see her. I now realise the timeframe is going to be a long one. Its funny how 8 weeks feels like 8 months in this type of sitch. whereas most times we complain at how fast out year disappears.
I have to thankyou for making me rethink things and I will come back here and post my new plan up. Thankyou for being such a considerate person, it is deeply valued
Facingdivorce Me: 46 W: 40 D8 D6 Seperated feb 2011
