Knitted I think I was misunderstood.......or wasnt clear. I know where her anger comes from. I just hope the things she said was out of anger. I know this problem is of my own making. I dont blame her for being angry. In fact I think she is remarkably composed given the sitch.
Again, please, please get individual counseling. It will truly help you own up to your path to your affair and the irrevocable attitude your wife might have to your marriage.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but when you say " I just hope the things she said was out of anger." you are being a weasel because it immediately absolves you from your affair as just a crime of passion. If she can't control her words in this moment, you are just enforcing the idea that your fling was just emotions getting carried away.
You are dismissing her feelings. Why don't you acknowledge you wife might be angry, hurt, betrayed, and hurt by your behaviour? Do you really want to wake up tomorrow and have her say, oh wow, you must have been so lonelllllllly ChrisW. I know how much you suffered when you made love to that other woman. You must have been miserable. I'm so lucky to have to take painful bloodtests for the next year and take the kids for tests too, but you were so happy in that affair....jolly for you, old chap!
Really?
If the thought of being her ex scared you to death - let's be honest - you didn't care you that you would be her ex. You were scared it wouldn't be on YOUR terms.
This is a great site, and a lot of good advice. Mine is only one opinions. Weigh all of your options or expectations, but at the end of the day, it will be ultimately up to you and her.
One thing I've noticed is that even though you say you're concerned about your W, etc., you make it all about you.
"I asked that she could be angry with me all she wants but to not ignore me or pretend I am not here. That drives me nuts."
Dude, she can treat you however she wants. You don't have the right to tell her how she should act towards you. You messed up and kept it hidden. Now you deal with the consequences. If she tells you to shut up, you do so. If she chooses to not talk to you for a month, you suck it up and accept it. You caused it, so you need to man-up and take what comes your way.
It's the only way she will heal.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Knitted and Mr. Bond, you are correct....I do sound like a dirtbag. Thank you. I caused this all and deal with it as it comes. If she decides to leave there is nothing I can do about it. I have to accept the consequences for they are.
Ok, I am not trying to make this about me. Because I screwed up, I owned up to it, but I dont know what to do. I cant imagine the pain she must be feeling. If I could take it from her I would. I dont know how to approach this, I have never been good at keeping my mouth shut when I know their is a problem I want to try and fix it. I know this isnt going to be a quick and easy fix. I have detroyed her and my family.
Can anyone give me tips on the MC? I mean do they make suggestions like "you two need to get D" or how does it go? Thanks all....I have been reading a lot of the other threads and some real good info out there. Just struggling with how and what to put into action.
Chris, I'd recommend the book "Not Just Friends" for both you and your W. It looks at how affairs develop from the standpoint of all those involved. It also looks at ways of healing and forgiving, again from each standpoint.
I would think that a MC saying that you need a D right off would be grounds for immediate firing! My W has been to a few joint sessions with me and my IC and he just guided us into productive ways of expressing how we were feeling.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Thanks patience, we have had some bad experience with counselors....so we went with one we were both comfortable with. I plan on seeing the MC privately if possible since I have been before.
