I don't know the experience of other people, but something that worked a whole lot in my ex's favor was that he told me of the affair instead of learning it off the street (or internet) like your wife.
So when it came to the custody agreements and splitting our assets, it helped tremendously that he was honest at the beginning.
My lawyer said that it was few of the bartering chips he had: that he had shown honesty and that would be an ok role model for the kids to be around.
It really became a situation before all of the final paperwork was signed that my husband was sort of being looked at like a defective car, and we needed to make sure we didn't want to expose the kids dangerous situations, like not answering the phone or not being where he said he was. Cell phone records....it might as well be called a printing press for money in divorce lawyer land.
Good luck. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. It's good to know what might be coming.
