Had a great day. Quite productive. I'm working for my old company (owned a business that I sold a couple years ago and retained a 30% interest in). It was fun. Enjoyed being out in my new attitude and look.
Got an email from W this afternoon. I ignored it at first, then figured I might as well read it and absorb it before I respond to it late tonight. I needed to talk to W about kids on Wednesday and weekend, anyhow.
This is what W sent:
"Subject: Hey
So - haven't heard from you all weekend..... wondering how you make out? X-landlord was there all day yesterday, cutting lawn, etc. There's a big red car out front (overnight) and a blue van was there last night .... was that you?
I'm sure you are not in good space right now. I want you to know, for what it's worth, I am sad that this all unfolded this way. I really thought this would have worked out differently. I still can't believe X-landlord pulled the plug.
When you're ready, send me a message so we can talk about a couple of things coming up for the kids. We need to make arrangements on when they are with you, and I am aware that you were texting D8 asking her about this coming up weekend (she got me to help answer one of your texts). I think you and I should be having these discussions directly, not through the kids. While you've made it clear that you don't want to talk to me, I've been reviewing our "for the sake of the kids" stuff and need to remember that we have an obligation to keep the lines of communication between us open when it comes to them.
I think D13 told me that you are going to be picking up the kids on Wednesday and taking them to the city for the evening? Can you just confirm with me that this is true? Would you be inviting FS16 to come with you? It's OK if that answer is no, but if you could just let me know so I can make other arrangements for him. (Your sister and I have theatre tickets - last ones ever - on Wednesday.
Like I said, when you are up to it, let me know and we can go through the calendar for May and schedule where the kids will be. I'm working on the Parenting Plan right now, and once it's all done and you have yours done, we can sit down and go through them.
s"
Between this board and me, I have a few things to say about the email that I need to think about if / how I respond to specific items.
First: Not that it matters in any way, but it was not me at the X-landlord's property.
Second: She thinks I don't want to talk to her. Guess that's what going dark does. So now somehow I'm a bad guy because I don't want to talk to her? How could I ever respond to that? Is that bait?
Third: I'm dark. So now she beats me to the punch to discuss visits with kids this week. So now I look like I'm holding out on her, making me the bad guy, yet again. Of course, my intentions were to send W a message about kids tonight. But now my response will simply appear as though I am responding because I'm "busted". Damned if I do, damned if I don't indicate that I was going to talk to her about kids tonight.
Fourth: Nice of her to finally realize that the kids are not messengers and that WE need to make arrangements regarding kids between ourselves. Of course, I only wanted to give the kids a heads up and make sure they didn't have any other plans. I think that's all I will say to W when I send email tonight about plans with kids.
Fifth: FS16??? Geesus, really!!! I mean I really like the kid, but she's the one who actually fostered him. As far as I know, I'm no longer on the foster order. And she's the one that's getting money for fostering. I've never seen a red cent (which of course is not what it's all about, but I digress) and so how much of a parent am I really, to him? I'm stuck, because I'd love to take him. Like I said, he's a great kid... but I'm building a relationship with him because... because she needs support because she's going to a play that night...? What's the "right" thing...???
Sixth: Don't even get me started on a parenting plan. That would suggest that we're "co-parenting" and we aren't talking about full care and custody by either parent with visitation to the other. Of course, a little bird told me that W is planning a trip to Cancun this winter, planning to take the kids and FS16 with. Those are words that apparently FS16 has been telling his friends in school. So I'm going to know... when???
I'm good. Just venting. I'll do up a separate email and just speak to the original points that I was going to say. Although I will have to indicate that I was making sure that the kids didn't have any other plans before I brought it up with W. And will have to think about what to do with FS16. He IS part of the (her) family and I guess if there was ever to be R, I would need to be his foster parent. If I were becoming involved with someone who had kids, I would need to be a responsible father figure in the life of her kids, even though nothing may ever come of it... *sigh*
