Thank you Left and Sandi, it is very comforting to hear from you both. I have not read the DR book yet, but I will get is asap.
She was married about 6 months to the OM before she called to come back home. She told me that she could not wake up another morning next to him. She said that she couldnt be herself around him. That I always let her be herself, and if she didnt want to get out of her pajamas or put makeup on that I still loved her the same. I do love her unconditionally and she knows it, I guess that is why she is still trying to be friendly to me.
Sandi, I feel I am at a point of trying to keep her from moving out of the house, even though she is determined. I also know that the kids need to be informed of her decision to do so.
I dont think she will ever go through what she needs to at this point while living here. I turned it over to god back then and I feel I need to do the same now. It hurts, but I know I can do this. She tends to hang it over my head about the kids finding out and keeps telling me that they need to be told. Just like she holds the moving out over my head, as she knows both of those issues hurt me. I try not to show my emotions when she says them, but i also know she can see through them most of the time.
I called her today at work to discuss the kids, and the sitch about telling them and when I thought she should move out. She plans on June 1st and the kids get out of school on May 20th. 5 weeks after June 1st, she will be leaving for 5 weeks to go off for training for her job. I am afraid that this will be to much for the kids to handle at once, but that is where I am tyring to pull some advice from here.
She said today that she would tell them the day she leaves, and that she would explain to them that they will be spending time at both homes. What kills me is that she said we could still get together once a month as a family and go to the beach or a movie. WTF. It's like she wants to go, but still wants to be a part of the famil from a distance. Like she wants to live her life but not allow me to live mine. She tells me all the time to get a grip, and GAL. But when I try she wants to know what I am doing. It confuses me, she acts like things are normal when she is here, but when she is at work she is cocky and so sure of herself. I think that is due to her EA at work with OM.
I also feel that deep inside of her she know that she is making a mistake, but the fog will not allow her to see it. She also feels that OM is going to leave his family for her. It's like she wants to move out, force the hand of OM to make a move, and if that doesnt happen have me to fall back on.
I dont want her back that way, I deserve more. If she whispers she needs something I have always been right there to get it for her. And of course I was there last time she wanted to come home, and I guess she feels I will be there again.
I know my kids will pull through this, but only with my love and strength. I know I can pull through it with respect for myself. I refuse to be used at this point,and dont want to be second choice for anyone. I am a good person, and I love to love. I am emotional but strong.
At this point, I need to get some control back from her, everything is being blamed on me, and she has control of every decision. I want to tell her that she needs to go ahead and tell the kids the day after they get out of school and not wait until she leaves. I also need to tell her that it is a good idea for her to move out on June 1st and even give her a hand to do so. Let her know that after she leaves that we will only make contact from that point forward when it comes to our children and their well being.
I will not take 6 months like last time to get over this and GAL. I will start today. I owe to myself, my kids, and to GOD.
She walks around with her cell phone all afternoon, and all night checking it. Almost like she is waiting for him to text her, when she knows he is not while he is home with his family. I believe at this point he is making broken promises to get what he wants.
I have read up on the EA when both parties are married with children and they never seem to work out. Normally the OM never leaves his family, and if he does its not for long. I cant believe at this point she is willing to risk it all for a chance.
I feel its time for her to take that journey and let her fall, so one of two things can happen. I either get her back the way I want her, or I will be able to fill my life with joy and happiness with my kids for now, and someone new who loves me for me in the future.
