I never started threads of my own here--my H was over 3 years into his MLC and one year into his EA when I discovered this place. Although I read desperately to find information, connections with others who had been in my position, and incredible wisdom and insights from contributors here, at the time I was engaged in extensively journalling my progress on paper, at home. I ended up registering here 18 months after my H committed to working on our M, partly to give back for everything I had received here. If there is anything you'd like to ask me, I'm happy to answer your questions.
You say that when your H decides to put away his phone and engage with you, he can be happy. Please understand, unless he "hits bottom," he couldn't just decide to be with his family and be happy. Right now he's like someone with a potentially fatal disease--he might be able to forget about it occasionally and act like his old self, but he needs to deal with the disease and get it scraped out of him before he can truly return to being that wonderful man. You must give him the time to do this--he may well not be ready when Retrouvaille is offering its next courses.
If your H decides to recommit to you, it has to be because he's chosen that--not because he's been guilted, or OW has become unavailable, or he's avoiding conflict. As long as he's with you but has not resolved his personal issues, you don't really have a M.
As Albuquerque suggests, try to take your focus off changes your H needs to make (which is completely out of your hands) and on to yourself. There is a balance in a M, in which both partners need to do the same amount of personal growth, although in different areas, to meet in the middle afterwards. Keep digging into where your growth lies.
