Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[2stepboogie]

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I'm out of the office today, I'm on my phone so this will be short. The feeling of loss is something I deal with constantly almost hour by hour. People say you'll stop hurting when you decide to. That comment makes little sense to me. So I won't bore you with that. You'll stop hurting when you stop hurting. 1 day at a time is all I can say, when X first left I could not wait for 6-7 months to have passed so that I can be "better" well heading into month 7 I'm not sure how much "better" I am. We are already D so I'm just going through the process of starting my life over doesn't mean I don't still hurt.

I do. The sadness is very real. No one can determine when you will stop hurting or when you will stop missing her but I have to assume at some point you will.

Just wanted to stop by and say I was thinking about you and hope your day gets better.

[Redo]

9, Time is a great healer. You just have to 'wait' it out. Nothing much to do meanwhile other than going about your life. Yup, somehow the year is peppered with many days like these that seem to be designed to pierce our hearts. But i guess in a way they are also tests to see how far we have come in accepting our situations and moving on.

[sandi2]

Sorry Nine, didn't mean to rattle your brain with what I said.

What I was NOT saying is to pursue her. Don't talk or act like her husband. Have the attitude of a single man. When she contacts you, then you can slowly start to(slowly for now) turn on the charm. Be the other man she cannot have. You feed her emotional needs (if possible) but at the same time, you know perfectly well that nothing will come of it. No expectations! You are charming, upbeat, teasing, flirting......and unavailable to her. There is one important part to remember....when you are being flirty, etc., you do not make any of your discussions about the two of you. Make it all about her. Much later down the road, you can start to slightly add yourself into the talks. You are not serious when talking to her. Stay away from that. You are single, unattached, a man any woman would love to be with.....but she gave you up and now you are free to be with anyone. This is what she'll start to see once you start thinking with the attitude of a single, attractive, confident man.

[alamo76]

Sorry Nine, didn't mean to rattle your brain with what I said.

What I was NOT saying is to pursue her. Don't talk or act like her husband. Have the attitude of a single man. When she contacts you, then you can slowly start to(slowly for now) turn on the charm. Be the other man she cannot have. You feed her emotional needs (if possible) but at the same time, you know perfectly well that nothing will come of it. No expectations! You are charming, upbeat, teasing, flirting......and unavailable to her. There is one important part to remember....when you are being flirty, etc., you do not make any of your discussions about the two of you. Make it all about her. Much later down the road, you can start to slightly add yourself into the talks. You are not serious when talking to her. Stay away from that. You are single, unattached, a man any woman would love to be with.....but she gave you up and now you are free to be with anyone. This is what she'll start to see once you start thinking with the attitude of a single, attractive, confident man.

Thanks for that reminder, Sandi. I needed that today...you have no idea!

[ninelives]

Thanks 2step, karma, Isalnder and Sandi. Always feel better with a response.

Sandi:

That sounds like a test to me but IF i am determined to get her back and I have decided today that I really am, then I guess its the road I MUST take until things change. EVERYBODY other than this board and one friend are telling me to "CUT HER LOOSE"

People are saying, " You cant possibly even consider taking her back considering the scumbag has had sex with her countless times"

But i guess I can IF she'll have me down the road and is willing to commit to the marriage.

I was a great flirt over the years when I was single and even when I was married a little. I used to love it , just think it might be tough to stay in the flirty zone while she is with OM but I guess I have no choice if I want her back.

Let the test begin.

But I still stay a little dim right. I only respond and dont initiate contact correct?

9

[islander]

9,
Don't let what other people say get you down or influence. Stay the course. You know what you want.

As far as being flirty, idk. I am nowhere there yet, and don't really know what that means in this context. M, W, S and D seems to make a difficult to think about.

I think you should definitely stay dim and let her initiate most of the contact. Other than that you are busy, know what I mean

[NEmoose43]

9,

Same boat here man. I've decided that I need to concentrate on being myself...and for me, that does mean flirty when it's appropriate. Dim is the way to go.

As you know, my friends that do know what's up with the sitch have said just drop her and move on...but that's not what I want, and I don't think it's what you want with your W.

We've both chosen the hard road, but the end result could be so worth it!

[♪CS♪]

9, make sure to read sandi's post carefully.

What I was NOT saying is to pursue her.

When she contacts you, then you can slowly start to(slowly for now) turn on the charm.

You are charming, upbeat, teasing, flirting......and unavailable to her.

when you are being flirty, etc., you do not make any of your discussions about the two of you.

[~ kd ~]

One more stress on Sandi2's post, as emphasized by CS...

ABSOLUTELY follow that.

I'm GALing like crazy. Little time to think about it. I'm finding myself in positions to be near (yes, too young, but) attractive women and flirt every chance I get, especially when it appears to be initiated by them. Frick... it feels good for the self esteem!

If / when my W ever catches up on the changes I have made for myself... Changes that WILL STICK, because they are true to whom I am... She might be in for a real shock. But... I AM NOT AVAILABLE TO HER. I would never be with a woman who behaves as she is currently. Even a good friend of mine who was strongly saying that I should dump her, told me today that she's a good woman... just got her head in an inappropriate hole...

[ninelives]

Thanks for the re empahshis of Sandi's post. Even though i think she gets exasparated by me actions sometimes, that is one poster I listen to carefully and try and follow to the letter.

I have slipped up due to my emotions but I am trying.

Saw her around 4pm today as I was at BIL's talking to hm about his day with youngest son. He decided to take my son fishing this morning instead of school for the morning. Apparently, they are really biting. He got 7 big rainbows.

She pulls up with the van. I have some errands to run so I leave immediately and she doesnt acknowledge me, and I dont her.

But I did see her. She looks a little rough. I forgot about the new strategy but didnt really see a good opportunity there.


So later I decide to try out the new strategy. She aske if she could drop young son off today as she works nights, I was getting ready for MOnday volleyball and decided to take the bike.

HEr shift starts at 730 and so does volleyball. Im on my bike and riding toward the school and she is driving towards my house.

She drives by me without a wave, I turn the bike around to talk to young son. As she pulls out of my driveway, her van is sideways. I rev the engine and pretend to accelerate towards her stopping at least 20 feet from the van. A playfull gesture.

She smiles at me and I wink at her. That was it. The only contact I have with her today.

I guess its a start.

As I go to practice, I notice his truck out front of her house.

This is going to be a long drawn out "battle". I hope I have the fortitude to pull it off.

JUst got home from VOlleyball and have to mark. Told students that If i didnt return papers tomorrow, they would all receive 100%/

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