Welcome to the convincing stage. (I just made that up). I can tell from my own sitch others here and reading yours, that your W is right now trying to convince herself that this marriage is worth it.
Ok so she says she broke it up with OM, she is still in the house, yet is not willing to truly work at fixing things. I know this sitch, she's keeping her options open. She is willing to start working by doing basic yet important things, yet at the same time is so doubtful things will work that she is staying distant in order to not get hurt if things don't work out. Getting a divorce is a very tough thing to do, they may still love the person, but are so annoyed at particular traits that they need to do a lot of self convincing and emotional wall building to protect themselves from what is an ugly and hurtful process.
Most people report that they don't even recognize their WAW's after the bomb. That is because the WAW has spent years creating this alter ego that will be strong and ruthless enough to be able stomach the divorce.
Ok so what does this all mean for YOU? Well your W is holding on to her alter ego, because she most likely doesn't believe things will change. It will be frustrating because you will want for her to let you in, but she won't. Letting you in would make her feel weak and vulnerable. In many ways she is still convinced it won't work, but is probably staying for the kids or because single life is too hard, or maybe OM left her. Whatever her reason is, it is not becauseshe sees hope. It is most likely because the alternatives are too grim.
So what is the silver lining in all of this? She is cold and distance because she thinks the marriage will not change. Time to prove her wrong!!!! Now more than ever you need to show her that you are serious about the 180's and GAL. You need to keep doing them, do more, and never backslide. In order to convince her that you have chAnged, you need to truly change for yourself first!
This will be a long and hard road, she may even resent you for waiting so long to start changing. Rest assure she will definitely put you in situations where she will test your resolve to see if you have truly changed. Truth is she may love the new you, but her actions tell me that she does not believe that new you is here to stay. You are not a sure bet, so she is not willing to bet the house yet. Give it some time, prove her wrong.
One last note, when it comes to intimacy give her all the space in the world. Let her come to you. When she does respond back in a proportionally equal way. (do not escalate). When it comes for sex, you might as well just forget about it for now, trust me in the mood she is in she most likely is not ready for it yet. Any that you coax out of her will most likely be "duty" sex, she will resent you for this, she won't enjoy it, and will just further convince her the magic is gone. I'll say it again do not initiate! If she wants it from you, let her initiate. WAW seem to think that everything we do nice for them is because we want sex. This is a major turn off, this may not apply to you, but I bet she will appreciate not feeling hunted down for intimacy. Let her come to you.
