Rollercoaster of love

[LearningPatience]

I really should journal more often so that I can keep my thoughts straight.

Didn't hear from W all week until Friday when she emailed and said she hadn't been feeling well. She wanted to let me know in case we couldn't do the brewpub the next day that we had planned (something she promised me for an xmas gift). Told her that would be fine and wished her well. I didn't ask specifics and she didn't volunteer, so I assumed allergies or similar.

Went to the brewpub on Saturday with W. It was an hour from us so she drove there. Said there was a chance we'd have to spend the night (?) because of how she might feel. Turns out she nearly passed out Thurs and had to go home. Friday wasn't much better. I offered to drive and/or cancel if she wasn't well but she said it would be ok. I was annoyed that OM had to take her home and was checking on her rather than me, but I didn't let her know or show it.

Had a good time at the brewpub. We got along great, she drank just a beer or two (she's small) but told me I could drink as much as I wanted (another ?). I didn't, because I wanted to make sure to stay in control of myself, but it was still an odd comment from her. We enjoyed talking to each other but acted completely like friends instead of anything more than that. Got back to the house around 11:30, had a small hug and I left.

Wished W a happy mother's day Sun morning via email. Also thanked her for the dinner, drinks and company. Saw W briefly at MIL house Sunday afternoon. I had stopped over there to take down some trees for the ILs. Had another half-hearted hug before she left. Took down four trees and satisfied my inner lumberjack. Visited with the ILs for a while after and enjoyed the day with them.

I still feel torn about my feelings for the sitch. Sometimes I just want to move on with out her, other times I want her so badly. I woke up at 2:30am after our brewpub and so wanted to text her, but I didn't. In many ways I feel we're drifting apart even more, but I know that as long as OM is still her friend, I can't really be with her.

W's bday is Thursday. I offered to take her out to eat. She's going out with ILs that night. For a while I thought she was going to go with OM; she told him that no one ever does anything for her bday, even her parents (triple ?). Again, I know I can't do anything about it, but it bothers me time to time. We're going to go out Sun before a play we've had tickets to for months.

OK, time to catch my breath...