2/14/2003 - H moves back in after I successfully DB through him leaving due to unhappiness and my A. 12/12/2007 - H moves from Chicago to Seattle for a job. I stay home to sell the house and we live apart for almost 8 months. During this time he gets friends (didn't have any before), works out and gets in shape and becomes happier with himself. 10/??/2009 - H suggests we see an MC after we have been discussing on and off the frustration at our lack of fire in the bedroom. We go 4 or 5 times and H brings up D if we can't fix this. I freak out since I think the rest of the M is good - he thinks on it and decides that yes we should stay together. We have a renewed vigor. 12/??/2009 - H brings up the idea of having kids. We try to get pregnant for 8 months and finally conceive. I miscarry in month 3. 4/16/2011 - H drops the bomb after a day filled with future plans and after I'd fallen asleep in bed. He spends the next days avoiding the house at all costs. 4/21/2011 - I leave for my parents for 2 weeks. I go completely dark for a full 7 days at the end. H starts splitting our things and sends me a financial split suggestion for the D. 5/5/2011 - I come back and things are uncomfortable in the house. H makes himself available for talking and we do R talks. Of course this is not helping as he is so defensive at this point. H and I tentatively agree to a financial split. I'm supposed to be going through the house selecting what things I want.
So that's where we are right now. As people suggested in the last thread and my own goals state, I need to stop the R talks with H. I need to try and make this house less uncomfortable for him to be in right now.
I have a few major problems though, (1) He's not expecting me to stay too long. He thinks I'm going to go through my things here and then go move on with my life wherever that takes me. (2) Moving on with my life is hard here in Seattle where I have few friends, no job, etc. (3) He's familiar with DB and all the practices and books, etc. He is convinced that while we can work on things, it only band-aids the real root problem of our lack of chemistry to put it briefly.
People in the last thread suggest I embrace the sensual side of myself. I guess I'm not sure what all that means? Flirting? What else? What things can I do when the last thing he wants to do is be in the same room with me or have me flirt with him, etc. Suggestions!?
