I have been married to the same woman twice for the past 16 years. We have three children together, d14,s12,s8. We are both 39 years old. We were married for 5 years and then I came home from work one day and she left a note saying she had moved out and wanted a D. Back then we were young and had two small children. We had been through some tough times with finances and jobs. It seemed to be to much for her, and on top of that, I was a young dad without a lot of experience. I would have to admit I did not do the things to help that I should have besides work.
It hit me really hard, and the thought of not having my kids on a full time basis crushed my heart. I battled it with the normal crying and begging. which only pushed her further away. I did my best to control my emotions, but that is just who I am.
I had found out a few weeks later that she was involved with another man from the start. I soon figured out that he was just a fill in that she needed emotionally and financially to get away. I made sure through all of it that my kids were ok, she didnt waste anytime bringing them around the OM and that hurt like h*ll. I forced the rulles of no one being at here apt late at night or too early in the morning, which then she decided to marry this man only 6 months from the day she left. I gave her a D, back then after I changed the paperwork to benefit me and my kids. I have always fought for my kids and I love them so very much then and even more now. It seemed like the day I found out that she re-married that I could move on with my life and know that it was truly over. Within a few weeks of that day, I began to GAL and move on. I started to date a little and still spent an enormous time with my kids. Which I found out then and today bring me more joy than anything. One night, I had the kids in the bed sleeping, and she caled to speak with them, I told her they were sleeping and she then started to cry. She asked me if she was to get some counceling would I give her a second chance. I told her I didnt know, we started to spend some time together with the kids and withing a few weeks started to spend the night together. She told me that she was sorry for leaving and she truly loved me and would never leave again.
And here I am today, posting to this site, with my heart heavy and my W telling me 6 weeks ago, ILUBNILWU anymore. Two months ago, she decided to have her tubes tied under advice for her DR. She also deciced she would get off her Paxil that she had been on for the past 10 years when she came back the first time. She had always worked at home, and now has a new job she started 6 months ago. When the job started she was so happy to have it, I was a bit nervous as she would be the only woman working with 12 men in a confined building. But she told me how happy she was that I gave my support for the job. The first 3 months she would come home everyday bouncing off the walls, loving and happy with me and kids. She would text me from work a few times a day to tell me that she loved me. Then she began to change, tubes tied, off Paxil,and then I found out that OM at work was pursuing her. I only found out,because she asked to fix her phone one day, and I found some text where he was flirting with her. She blew them off and told me he was just messing around and he was no threat. At that time he wasnt. W has never been very sexual as she had some issues as a child, along with her own Parents D when she was 14.
OM, is married with 2kids, and from all that I have gathered is happy in his marriage. I feel he tried to flirt with her to get what he wanted, and found out that wouldnt work, so he began to emotionaly attach himself to get it. I think it has become an EA on her part now and sees him as another ticket out of our M.
The hard part of this for me and my kids is that is just popped up out of no where. We went from bliss 3months ago, to her telling me she is moving out on the 1st of June. She went from kissing and hugging every morning before work, to just saying bye with a small kiss. To coming home about 10 tens before she dropped the bomb, and not saying much to anyone. Just sitting on couch, with a blank look on her face. I feel most of that was guilt on her part.
She tolded me that she had been forcing herself to love me over the past 10 years and because of my financial blunders years ago that she wanted out of M. Our kids know something isnt right with the R between us. She has yet to tell them that she is moving out. That is the hard part for me, they are all about our family as a unit, and are very emotional kids. This is going to hurt them so very bad, and I feel they will take the blame for it. She reminds them and me daily, that the kids have no respect for her and loves me more than her. She has never been good with the dicipline issue, and is hard for her to emotionally attach to kids. She is a good person, and loves her kids very much. Always been the best at providing for them and raising them. She has been putting most of the blame on me in the past 2 months on why she is leaving. Since we moved into a new home 8 months ago, we have relieved ourselfs of financial issues. It doesnt help that I was laid off last month, and struggling to find a job. I have tried to reason with her, and ask her to reconsider, and she will not hear of it. She is so determined to move out, that she brings it up almost daily. I started D-Bing about a week ago, and it seems to help more for me. I think its time to move on and let her go, but it hurts as I truly love her unconditionally. I have always been there for her, and allowed her to be herself. She likes to go out and have fun, which most of the time was with friends and I would stay with kids. I never tried to take her life away and change her. I have put up with all the emotional stuff from her, as she was never the one to be very touchy feely or into kissing and hugging. I feel I have sacrificed myself for her and my family, as I am the one that loves to be emotional and loves to love someone.
I have been over the past few days getting out of the house, and only to get called by her to where I am going. She still comes home and acts like everyting is ok, but when I mention anything about R, she goes off the deep end. Its like she wants out, but still wants to make sure I am still there for her. She holds normal conversatoins with me. I have stopped calling her and texting her for the past 10 days. I have reduced our conversations to next to nothing. I have not brougt up OM either. I told her last week, that I knew about OM, and she hasnt agreed or denied it. I told her it was unacceptable, and that I would move on with my life because of it. I think she is in limbo with her emotions as she is not sure if OM will leave his family for her. She is affraid of what family and friend will think of her. She tells me and my brother, who has had conv with her that I am a great man, and great father, and she loves me. But she is not happy and not in love with me anymore. I feel its a crutch for her guilt with OM and breaking up her family. It's almost like she is living a fairytale. She said the paxil put her in a fairytale and now without it she is being the real her.
History: Her parents D when she was 14 Never held a long term R with anyone when dating. Only sibbling died, ODed 5 years ago Her dad lives in the same town but never calls her Mother has busy,partying life and W only gets leftovers when mom needs her. Cold turkey Paxil 25mg 2months ago Tubes tied 2months ago OM pressure and EA 2months ago All blame for everything going on now is put on me.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my post, I have gotten to know of few of you, from just reading your post, and I pray for you all, and I am sorry you have this same pain in your hearts. I overcame this 10 years ago, and hope to do the same again. I gave it to GOD then and I will do the same now.
My biggest concern now is for my kids and how they will handle this blow to their hearts.
