It is a wierd tight rope we walk around here for a while.
We are all human, and while we would love to say that we are happy for them no matter what, there are going to be things that we aren't so happy about.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
it's a day to day thing, actually. I finally got my oldest daughter living with me. She confided in me last night that it was horrible living there. She felt she didn't belong and felt it was very bad for her. I told her she is safe now and that things will be better.
The down side is my youngest is still there. She doesn't realize what is going on and I HATE the fact that the sisters are separated - it's only for a month. What is the worst is my W had MY KID go to the grocery store ALONE with the OM. This is absolutely killing me right now. I called her and said under NO circumstances while we are still married should that ever happen. She was very calm and agreed. I then said good bye. I was very upset.
Not just that my child was with him but that my wife as so quickly moved on. Just when I think I'm over some of the pain, it creeps back in.
I'm trying so desperately to get a life but I can't let go of the old one. I'm still in disbelief, I think of what is happening.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Each day is getting easier. Realizing what she is going through and that I have nothing to do with it really helps. That and the fact that now I have very little contact. My life is really starting to turn around.
My and daughter are getting along great. She's really opening up to me more and more and I see just how much she is hurting from what my W did to her. It still pains me that my younger daughter is "stuck" with my W but I know that soon, we will all be together again.
I truly feel I'm taking another step forward. I do have moments where I'm sad about the "death" of the family but I'm moving forward at least and definitely getting a life - and you know what? It feels pretty great.
Thanks again everyone for being there. MHL your words are driving me for sure.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I too have that feeling of getting better everyday. I think it is good to come to terms with the fact that this is totally out of our hands. I too have days of sadness and depression and realize it really is grief. We are dealing with the death of a marriage and all the hopes and dreams we had for our future with our mate. No matter what happens now, whether they come home or not, it will be new and different than anything we thought about before. Resigning myself to that fact alone, helps me to grieve when I need to and to live in this day for me and my daughter.
God Bless, He is the only one in control.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
The days are very tough indeed and they still waver between good and bad. It's true that now I'm grieving the marriage. I'm also mad that this happened. Mad that I couldn't do something to keep it together. Mad that she couldn't or wouldn't try to make it work.
I am realizing now that she's been done for some time. It does hurt me in the fact that she's moved on with someone else.
A short story about what happened this weekend. My oldest is living with me and my W was to have them both this weekend. She works 12 hour shifts and wasn't home friday or saturday so I didn't take the D over until sat afternoon. D doesn't want to even be with her mom. She doesn't feel safe at the house - there's always strangers over including the OM. I wanted to do the right thing and have D with her mom on Mother's day. I looked into her eyes and saw sheer fear. I could see her saying, Daddy please don't abandon me. I can't have someone else abandon me.
My heart broke and I had to do the right thing and save my D. I didn't let her stay the night or stay for Mother's day. It did kill me because I do want her to have a good relationship with her mother - but it's broken right now. It may get fixed in time, but it's broken.
One of the reasons my D didn't want to stay there was because she wanted to spend time with ONLY her sister and her mom. She didn't trust her mom to not bring OM over.
Well, the next MORNING, my D was right because the OM was there cooking breakfast. She talked to my W and told her she can't trust her anymore...
You know what that little MLCer did? Told her 11 year old to grow up - and that she wasn't going to talk to her when she was being irrational...
So once again, I had to pick up the pieces with my D. She told me she doesn't care if she ever sees her mom again and that isn't sure that she even loves her anymore...
(exhale) I just wish all of this could be over...so does my D. She said yesterday, "Daddy, can't we just start over? Just me and you?"
Guys...this is killing me...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I know you dont know me... My name is Cindy, I've been married for 28 years, together for 40 became a WAW in 2007, My husband and I got back together 3 months later, we have no kids ( unfortunately ) In my former occupation as a Pediatric nurse ( 18 years ) I have seen so much abuse and parents that did not give a hoot I just wanted to stop by and tell U how proud I am of you, protecting your daughter from what sounds like a very bad situation. Your daughters comment about starting over " Just you and I" brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry this is SO hard for you and your girls.
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