18 Wheels and a Dozen Roses

[AJM80]

Haha, this is so complicated and I needed to dump my brain and think about it..

I do think telling him was the right thing/that I did it the right way. And I am giving each of us space so he can digest it. Thanks for agreeing.

I don't know if OW is still in the picture - I don't ask and he doesn't volunteer. My email was partly temperature taking/wanting to know that, but it was mostly an attempt to start a conversation. Out of nowhere he's changed the days he visits from s/m/r to s/w/r - he's said it is to "space out the days", but you can see it's still back to back. That makes me mad. It did cross my mind that her stripping schedule @ work may have changed. It's been about a year since they met.

Financially and support-wise, moving gives me a lot more options. I don't expect him to chase me - he's stuck here because of his job. I don't think he'd leave it for us because he'd feel he needs to stay at it to provide for us. A little background that I am not sure I shared, just before I found out about OW, we moved 45 min away from where we'd lived for several years, to suburbs. So I am in a position where my family is 10 hours away, my car-less friends are an hour train ride away, and I'm limited on going out/doing things because I have 2 little ones. I'd like to save my marriage, yes. But I am practical and I struggle to imagine living here another year in this sitch. My family is putting some pressure on - more little comments and eye rolling type stuff, so that is surely influencing my current feelings.

What are thinking as far as shaking it up? I could always do typical woman thing and go chop my hair off. Lol - I kind of like it the way it is now, though.

Maybe I'll make a stand about visitation, that I agree he should spread it out and sun/tues/thurs works best for me? I just want some predictability. Again, that seems a bit controlling...

I wonder about pushing him to help more @ the house. I felt that he should on mothers day. Since he is working full time so I can stay at home - most of the time I feel like it's fair that I do most of the childcare/housework. I think I need to keep asking him to do "man chores" like carrying/lifting/fixing and being thankful when he does them.

It may be time for me to shell out for another coaching package.

I'd better send this ramble