Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

I cant explain this. I had a dream last night that W and I were breaking up and it was so real. Like there we were back together before the first break up and that she said some nasty things again. I hate when this invades your dreams.

When I woke up i was in a lot of pain. It has continued so far.
I turned on the TV and saw people making love in a movie which just about tore my heart out.

I am trying to get my balance this morning but I wonder. Am I destined to love this woman forever? Im really trying in my head to detach. REally I am. Im trying all the techniques to stop thinking about her but I JUST CANT SEEM TO PULL IT OFF.

This will not stop me from continuing to GAL and try and move on but I NEVER dreamed it would be so difficult to let go.

Both sons were gone lastl night to my W's place. I was alone in the house she designed and it did feel so empty.

Maybe a combination of Mother's day and sons gone is pulling at me. Im not anywhere near the first stages when she left but I have to admit, that I'm also not where I was a couple of days ago.

Gotta keep moving forward. Thats it. I DO KNOW this. If I could just let go of the hope for REAL and just see how things turn out down the road I would be further a head.

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