Digging Through Old Email

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Renee and AJ.

I am applying for food stamps this coming week. (I can't believe that I just wrote that.) Wow, how the mighty have fallen. I've never had any problems providing for my family and now my life is in shambles. I've got to pick myself up this week and "get to gettin" like Brooklyn says.

Everyone tells me that W is hurting. I don't see it. I almost wish she is. Does that make me a terrible person?

She said that wife and I are in different places in the relationship.

Can you explain this a little more? I don't think W is in the R at all.

Have you kept that list of the good things in your life? How is that coming? There are a lot of great things in your life Tad. A lot more to come that you can't yet see, but are coming just the same.

Honestly, I've got the list, but I really haven't added anything to it in a long time.

Today was rough. I never thought that Mother's Day would get me down.

The latest:

I was supposed to pick up S16 at her place at 8:00 this evening. At about 6:30, I get this text:

W: Would it be an inconvenience to pick up S16 at 9:00?

M: That's fine.

W: Thanks.

M: Yeah.

Yesterday, I was not here when she picked up S16. Of course she asked where I was and said to him: "I'm surprised your father wasn't here. He's always here when I pick you up."

Tonight when I picked him up from her place, I didn't even get out of the car. Would you believe that I was glad that I didn't even have to deal with her? I could have talked to her, but why? We'll talk when she wants to. Usually, I pull up in her driveway and get out and talk. She usually says what she has to say and tells S16 goodbye and then closes the door. Tonight, I backed in and didn't even turn the car off. We didn't speak. She told S16 goodbye and kept the door open slightly and watched as we pulled away until we were out of sight. Weird. Maybe she is noticing that I'm dropping the rope? Who knows.

A couple of weeks ago I had told her that I caught our niece (W's sister's daughter) ditching school on more than one occassion. I told her this in hopes that W would tell her sister. Well, I found out tonight from S16 that my W thinks I'm lying about it. Of course I'm lying! W thinks I am the devil.

S18 sent her a text this evening wishing her a Happy Mother's Day. He did it because I told him that it would be nice if he called her for her special day. He texted it to her instead. W made a comment to S16 that it was nice but he probably only did it because his girlfriend convinced him to. God forbid I was the one that convinced him.

S20 told me that he got in 3 arguments with her this weekend. I have no idea why and didn't ask.

My brother's wife called her last night. When talking to her today she said that W was really mellow on the phone. W made comment that things seem to be getting better and that our sons are starting to come around. If she only knew. They really think she is a basket case.

I seem to be struggling more today. Sometimes I think that she really wants out and other times I think that she really has lost her frickin' mind.

I just want this all to end.

Tad