My H just left me for the 3rd time in the past four years last weekend. We have had no contact since. I was histerical for the first 5 or 6 days all over again. Crying, shaking, cant eat, cant sleep, lost 10 pounds, acne came back. Its like dey-ja-vue.
Anyhow, some how -some where- some way- mid way through yesterday for the first time since last week when he left it was like my tears just ran dry. I have no idea how or why (except maybe it was a message from God), I felt stonger, I held my head up, and I actually laughed and enjoyed the later half of my day. I have been praying since he left for God to put his hands on my H's shoulders and guide him to do what is right and healthy and to make him happy. I do not ask God to bring him home, God allready knows that I want that. So I focus my prayers around aking for guidance(for me and my H)and how to change the things I know I have the power to change within myself. I felt good when I laid down to rest that night, I felt strong, I felt like I know I can respect myself and get through this no matter the turn out.
Needless to say, at 2 am in the morning- I recieved a text message for the first time from my H about our Relationship. He text me: I really hope that we can be friends in time. I was shocked - wasnt sure if its the guilt he carries or what. But the more I think of it - I believe that the power of prayer is working.
I text him back and said I would like that too. He said: Great, I really mean it. I said, me too.
This is the first sign I have recieved to hold out and wait and keep on praying, and praying in helpful ways instead of begging God to bring back my H.
The only explanation I can put to all this is that God is listening, Maybe God only wants me and H to be friends and not Husband/wife. I can only accept what God brings my way, whether I like it or not. Even if my life ends up different from my own free-will and desires - I will trust that that is what God knows is right for me and I will accept it. I am still hopefull right now, that God is just giving us both the time to work on our own faults and try to resolve them before bringing our M back together. One way or the other, I will survive and I am sure I will be happier than ever - Some day.
