So, not quite 24 hours? Good grief.....what did you expect? You know how she felt about a man cheating on his W, yet you really expect her to be able to be all warm fuzzies and forgiving? Have you never heard about a scorned woman?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
yes I have. She was just so calm yesterday and we had a very rational chat. She was on the phone with her best friend and burst into tears and said she had to leave that everything just hit her. So I guess the calmness is over for now. Not sure what to expect when she gets home. I might be looking for a new place to live sooner than I think. I am really not looking forward to her coming home tonight. Part of me thinks I should just go sleep in my car tonight, part of me says no stay here and hang in there DBin.
So the W invited to a friends BBQ. Wasnt sure how akward it would since this friend knows the sitch. but I think I am going to go. I asked that she could be angry with me all she wants but to not ignore me or pretend I am not here. That drives me nuts. Welcome any feed back.....
well things went ok, W wasnt real chatty...but that was to be expected. I just hung out and played cards and such. Today seems a little cold but hey what can I expect. I just keep trying to give her space. We still have a week until our first marriage counseling apt. This is going to be a really long week.
My ex-husband had an affair, admitted it, wanted to reconciled, and I divorced him as quickly as I could.
He knew going in an affair was a dealbreaker to our marriage, so it really surprised me when he started to melt down saying he wanted to reconcile, he'd never do it again, all of the things that you're writing here.
I'm sure there are lots of great stories of people who did have affairs and made their marriage work. But I wanted to add my own, it might give you insight into what your wife might be thinking (and obviously, I don't know either of you, but it's to give you perspective).
In a nutshell, the thing that drove me to the divorce more than anything else was that my ex put my life and the lives of our children in danger. He had sex with someone who could have had HIV, hepatitis, or any number of sexually transmitted diseases and could have put me at risk for that.
The OW he slept with could have been a mental case or had a dangerous husband or who knows what. Quite literally, he risked our lives, and I had to get away from it. I struggled a bit and have done my fair share of crying, and while it hasn't been easy - for me - there's not a day that goes by without be feeling grateful from getting away for someone who had zero respect for me or his family.
We have a civil relationship bc of the kids, and that's been nice. I still am glad he's their dad, but I am also glad he's not my husband.
I have been getting an enormous amount of good advice on this site, and have yet to post my own sitch. I am not sure how to go about that, if I need to start a new post or just tag on to one that is already open? You all seem like great people, with tons of valuable advice that I would love to plug into. Can someone tell me the way to go about posting on this site. Thanks in advance, RG
Thanks Knitted.....yea I know that some of that she is fearing. She has scheduled a blood test for later in the week and I agreed to get one as well. But I dont think she cares what I have as long as she doesn't. I know that has to be difficult and I no offense I hope we don't end up divorced. I do appreciate your story and thank you for sharing.
Aside from the danger aspect, is there anything your H could have done to make it better.
I have been getting an enormous amount of good advice on this site, and have yet to post my own sitch. I am not sure how to go about that, if I need to start a new post or just tag on to one that is already open? You all seem like great people, with tons of valuable advice that I would love to plug into. Can someone tell me the way to go about posting on this site. Thanks in advance, RG
Aside from the danger aspect, is there anything your H could have done to make it better.
In my case, there was about a 2 month period after I found out where I started to waffle and think about it, and looking back, maybe it was shell shock, maybe it was frustration that the whole thing could have been avoided, and a lot of deep, deep looking inward. Just as it takes to people to make a marriage, it takes two people to break a marriage, and I went to individual counseling to make peace with all that happened.
But - to be honest - it was a dealbreaker. There was literally nothing my husband could have done to lead to us getting back together. If you look at my earlier posts, you can read more about my situation.
I think everyone has a line in the sand. Some people see infidelity as a terrible tragedy, and I know lots of couples who gave it another go after an affair. And some couples became stronger and some didn't. I think I came to a point where when I was absolutely brutally honest with myself, I could not live with or love a man who was inside another woman and climaxed in her while we were married.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, but remember this is specific to me and my situation. Not necessarily related to yours.
In fact- actually - here is a tip: don't compare your situation to other people. It's natural to want to hear advice for others and I came to this site on the rec of a therapist. I still follow some stories & posters.
But my ex wanted to use other people's lives as a map to solve our problems. He'd try to argue that Bill & Linda got married and struggled and are happier than ever. Or he'd say that the kids would never get over having two places to live, like some relatives. He so desperately wanted to show that it COULD be done, that it was more sad than anything.
This situation was ours alone, and after all the drama, there was no other story it could compare to.
It felt right to marry him, and I don't regret that, and it felt right to leave him, and I don't regret that.
