Digging Through Old Email

[AntoniaB]

This is some advice my psychiatrist gave me about my interactions (or just the thoughts about interactions with XH): do whatever takes the least amount of emotional energy.

As in, if you're putting a lot of thought emotionally into whether you say one thing or not, you're expending a lot of energy on something that is causing you anxiety. You need to remove the anxiety from your life to get moving on, so don't put a lot of effort into these things.

It can work the other way too: like if you HAD to have an interaction and you spent a lot of energy trying to move heaven and earth to avoid that interaction. I had to give XH a buyout check for the equity of the house, and 3 different family members were bugging me trying to come up with all these ways I could have a proxy hand the check to him or send it certified mail or whatever. My lawyer said the smartest legal thing to do was meet him at the bank and hand a check to him in person. I did this and it took 60 seconds. I chose to NOT put energy into avoiding him but instead made the whole thing a simple business transaction and I walked away unscathed while he couldn't even look at me.

So you do whatever takes the least effort and then you are better off. If you're considering how SHE will take something, you're already worried about her and not yourself, and that's movement in the wrong direction.

"Act without acting." Be "zen."