Affair

[MynameisMZ]

ChrisW,

It takes a lot of guts to admit your A here and hopefully we can all help. I think we all are in support of M and are "friends to M" unless there is dangerous abuse.

My H had an A and after I confronted him, he told me right off that he wanted me. I told him he could go to her, that I didn't want him to, but it might be best. No arm twisting. He fought to stay. His biggest mistake (what I struggle with still) is that he didn't end it right away. I found evidence that he didn't. He wanted to let her down gently...for several reasons. BIG mistake IMHO. Your W has to know that you'll risk anything to keep her. After-all, you risked everything to have the A. You "bet the farm" as they say.

This is only my opinion and from my experience.
My advice to you is:
a) Tell your wife you love her and want your M.
b) NO CONTACT with OW ever again.

Give her time/space to make the decision.
Examine yourself for why you had the A (like Saffie says) and share your insights with your W.
Nothing worse than an unexamined life....makes us do awful things.
If she agrees to work on then M then....

c) Be open and transparent (IMO) this helps her to rebuild trust.
d) Talk to her whenever she needs to ask questions and tell her the truth. Nothing worse than her learning more after the fact.
If she's asking the question, she needs to know the answer. First ask her if she really wants to know, then answer it.
e) Find a good MC who believes in saving M. YOU make the appointment!

Michele says to set times aside to talk about he A and set times aside for just being with one another.
She has several short U-tube videos for sound DB advice.
My H and I agreed on her approach and use that as a guide.

Good luck!
MZ