OK, so it has been awhile since I have been on the DB site. A couple of years actually. My wife asked me for a divorce a few years ago because she felt I was being to controlling. Well DB really helped me. I still continue it today. The only problem is I screwed up. I had an affair. I admitted to it as soon as she confronted me. Things between us had never been better, she was actually interested in sex again. (somewhat)....she told me last night that she is 99% sure that she wants a divorce but isnt ready to make any kind of drastic moves at this time. She wants to wait and see how she feels about it later. I see this as an chance...or am I just kidding myself. We have 2 young kids, 10 and 8. Any suggestions? I am willing to walk through hell and back to keep this marraige alive, but she doesnt seem so interested now.
My W told me she wanted to take over the bills and have her own cell phone bill. I readily agreed told her I would do anything she needed me to do. I am really scared and not sure what to do. I have been a faithful husband for 15 years and made a serious mistake which I do not intend on repeating. I was just seeking a little affection......I could really use some help. I know most of you will think I am a dirtbag and really no one could make me feel worse than I am already.
It takes a lot of guts to admit your A here and hopefully we can all help. I think we all are in support of M and are "friends to M" unless there is dangerous abuse.
My H had an A and after I confronted him, he told me right off that he wanted me. I told him he could go to her, that I didn't want him to, but it might be best. No arm twisting. He fought to stay. His biggest mistake (what I struggle with still) is that he didn't end it right away. I found evidence that he didn't. He wanted to let her down gently...for several reasons. BIG mistake IMHO. Your W has to know that you'll risk anything to keep her. After-all, you risked everything to have the A. You "bet the farm" as they say.
This is only my opinion and from my experience. My advice to you is: a) Tell your wife you love her and want your M. b) NO CONTACT with OW ever again.
Give her time/space to make the decision. Examine yourself for why you had the A (like Saffie says) and share your insights with your W. Nothing worse than an unexamined life....makes us do awful things. If she agrees to work on then M then....
c) Be open and transparent (IMO) this helps her to rebuild trust. d) Talk to her whenever she needs to ask questions and tell her the truth. Nothing worse than her learning more after the fact. If she's asking the question, she needs to know the answer. First ask her if she really wants to know, then answer it. e) Find a good MC who believes in saving M. YOU make the appointment!
Michele says to set times aside to talk about he A and set times aside for just being with one another. She has several short U-tube videos for sound DB advice. My H and I agreed on her approach and use that as a guide.
Good luck! MZ
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
Thanks, I have already made a MC appt. with a someone we are both very comfortable with. I am not sure if she believes in saving the M or not, I guess I will know that at the 1 st. appt. Which isnt until next saturday. Going to be a long week. She hasnt asked a lot of questions. She has told me that she just doesnt have a lot to say right now. I have just been trying to give her space, because she told me that if I pushed her to make a choice right now it would be for D. So I told her I wouldnt ask her anything else. I dont plan on bringing up anything else until we see the MC. Unless someone has a better suggestion?
