I used to love sleeping in on Sundays and starting the day with a morning cuddle with my wife. Now, I can't even sleep in, because the moment I wake up even a little, my mind starts to race and I can't roll over and go back to sleep. I get angry that she has taken even the smallest pleasures from my life.
Today, everything in my soul tells me to call her and tell her everything from my side and get it all out. But, I know that this isn't the right time, so I am forcing myself not to. Besides, she would see it as me putting my agenda ahead of hers, especially on Mother's Day. That would once again, allow her to feel I am the bad guy and all her actions have been justified.
So...I will carry on with my plan of staying dark until her birthday on June 23 and some time after that, I will ask her to meet me and ask her to listen and try to be honest. I need closure in order to move on in life, and I think she probably does too. WE need it as a family, if she and I are ever going to be good co-parents and co-grandparents.
I needed to get that out somewhere safe. I will go for a walk now, and of course, think and think some more.
