I'm lost, need help. WAW

[GAL Man]

Thanks again Zero

Things took a bad turn over the weekend when I found out that she has just started to see OM for a couple of dates. She has insisted that that is only it (just going out for drinks and spending a day with him) and started 2 weeks after we separated i.e. last week, I was gutted to say the least, and when she got back from staying over for work again we had a big row. W insisted that she has done nothing wrong as its only dates and we are separated anyhow. OM lives in a differnt town.


After leaving to calm down when I got back we had a very amicable conversation, and she apologised for letting me find out in the way I did, and I apologised for reacting in the way I did, however W said she would have done the same if in the same position and should have considered my feelings.

I still feel that she is moving this very fast to just run away, she wants no furniture (except some old units in the garage), although the place she will be renting (which is only around the corner) has no furniture. She said to me she hasn't thought about taking Friday off to move in or even about essentials like plates, cups etc or even a sofa or bed! so we had a brief conversation on what she would need and some suggestions from me on what to take.

I said to W that in 14 years all I have ever done is put my wife and the kids first, and have forgotten about me.

MIL called yesterday morning and we had a long chat, MIL was gutted over the situation and thinks W is having a MLC. MIL kept saying how sorry she was and I am welcome over anytime.

I have always had a good sense of humour, with a bit of sarcasm in, this is one of the areas which W liked in me at the beginning, but as I have been so low with the S and the way the W had been treating me this had seemed to disappear somewhat, I need to get this back and have started good inroads. I have realised that over the past year or so I had just become tolerant just for the M, not thinking about my own feelings or how strong and confident I used to be in the home.

I will be giving her some money for the deposit, as I think this is amicable, plus I need her to move out ASAP for me, so I can GAL and think out me.

I haven’t talked about the R, but after yesterday I felt I needed to clarify my position and about giving her the money. All I said was "I hope you know that I dont want you to leave and, I feel that our problems not insurmountable, I am doing this for you", which she replied "I know" softly, that is all I said and left it there. We talked about bills etc, and I said to her that although she has never done that as I assumed that role she is a very cleaver lady who would have no problem figuring things out, we also talked about washing and ironing as I did some the other day, basically saying that we can both do all things, but in our M we had assumed these roles, and we had a laugh over the controls on the washing machine.

She is not sleeping at all atm, (like me really) as she said lots of things are going through her head. I think moving out is the best thing so she can think clearly without me around, and as you said Zero, if I try and hold her back or not help that would just push her away further. Also with her in her own place I can go as dark as possible, which is what I am planning to do.