my h and son gave me necklace

[25yearsmlc]

yesterday I called h and said my Ryan doesn't want to be around ow , don't do that to him again. h hung up on me probable cuz ow was right there.

Couple things to note...use of the word "my" when discussing your son with HIS father. Also how old is your son now?

Why can't he speak for himself? And why would RYAN say that anyhow? This is you projecting and trying to punish/scold your h. AND OR trying to withold the one piece of leverage you have (Ryan) against your h. Not so loving...

Do you think your h hanging up was something he did b/c you secretly "got" to him and scored a point, or b/c you made him angry?

I doubt the presence or lack thereof, the OW, had anything to do with that. I think you angered your h a great deal with the thinly veiled extortion of "I will withold MY son from you if you don't do what I want"....

that's how I would have taken it anyhow. And you are getting great input from MR.BOND but I don't see many responses to him. He's a man giving you some insight.

The men on this site are a big part of how I learned to know my h, to see his actions differently, to "get" him better. I read many of the books the men here suggested and I tried many of their ideas out. I am SO grateful for the men I met here, who helped me save my m. Not just "Mars & Venus" stuff either. But deep insights into the male psyche, and what motivates them and us...

Don't ignore the gifts God sends. I am positive that a few of the men I met here were indeed Godsends. You say you pray and turn it over to Him, but when you come here and get some great insights (albeit uncomfortable ones) don't cast them aside, b/c they don't reinforce your fear based approach...which is you "hoping" for the best and taking whatever crumbs your h tosses your way, eagerly thanking him for his "thoughtfulness", and yet also reeling in anger and pain, every time the OW is with your h, even though you know they live together...

Of course she's going to be around your son. Of course, if they live together they are a couple and your son will have to cope with that. Your "reeling" behavior won't help him, it'll pull him apart and he'll feel he has to take sides.

But you know down deep your h loves him very much. Wouldn't your h love to have custody of Ryan? I'm asking that question not to terrify you, but to get you to realize that in your h's eyes, he left the marriage, not his son. So using his son that way, is going to push a lot of buttons in your h. And it made you look vindictive and petty, and unrealistic....

This seems like an area ripe with potential for 180's from you.


No doubt your h & son will give you a tasteful gift for Mother's Day. How about handling it in a new way? Let's NOT assume it means anything other than what it says or is...a Mother's day gift...