Just had a good talk with an old friend. We had a good cry together and I feel so much better. I talked him about how much control OM/boss has over my STBX and how her whole life has become her job and the people there. He is very objective and sees exactly what I see. Sometimes I think I am going crazy, so it's awesome when someone else see the same thing.
As day 10 of dark comes to a close, being dark is becoming less of a "game playing technique" and more of what is actually right for me. Being aware from her right now is safe.