Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

Worked around the house today. Raking , tidying. First stage in getting the pool ready. Leaves out and so on.

Got flowers for tomorrow from kids and a Mothers day card from them.

I think I m just going to put a small note acknowledging her as a good mother.( a bit of a stretch these days but she was an amazing mother at times ) and a little note telling her that I know how tough this day must be for her in light of her mother's death. Light and simple , no i love you etc..

While I was raking today, young son ran up to me with tears. I gave him a little heck today as he went swimming in really cold water at the lake. Im concerned about the temp of water.

Anyway, I ask him whats wrong, he tells me he thinks he was in trouble for the swimming. I hug and kiss him and tell him he is not in any trouble at all. That he is the most important thing in my life and that not to be silly. I ask if there is anything else bothering him.

He says, " just everything" My heart skips a beat and starts to ache. Like what I ask.

Granny's death, the thing I dont like to talk about. Meaning our separation.

I tried to explain to him the serenity prayer. He didnt get it at first but I think he got it at the end as I gave him some examples. He said he was said that mom and dad arent together and I said, I am too but like I just told you , there are some things we cant change and we have to accept them.

He was also hungry which also puts him in a state. Always has since he was a baby.

Today, I am feeling a little down and even had a little episode myself after his. Remembered my own advice to son but still a little down.

When I do repetition work like raking,my mind always goes to her.
Making it so tought to really detach. Went to grocery store and saw Om 's best man at the store. Awkward for him, I just said hello and went about my business. He is a former student of mine and really socially awkward, almost challenged one might say. Perfect best man for scumbag but I digress.

That is one thing about living in such a small town, there are always reminders of some sort.

Well , there is more raking to be done. And oldest son wants on computer, FB his new crush. He also told me today he wanted to start working out. Wow, knock me over with a feather. That is what woman will do for or to you.

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