I am concerned this will push my wife away into his arms though, make them unite so to speak
How can she get more into his arms than she already is?
You asked me on another thread if it was too late to tell her that OM can have her? I don't think it's too late (if you can stick to it). However, since you are S from her and she doesn't respect you.....and she's having OM come over and take part with the "family" activities, I don't think she's going to mind very much. But you have to ask yourself, is what you're doing now working?
IMHO, I do think you need to drop the rope with her. She needs to know that you do not plan to sit around "waiting" on her to end the A with OM. You are prepared to move forward with having a life that does not include her.
Do not tell her any of your plans. Do not rescue her if the heat gets bad at the office. Do not threaten OM. He is not the real problem, anyway. Expect OM and your W to get more open with the A. But, when you take yourself out of the picture, it will put more pressure on OM. He'll either have to make up a reason not to take things to the next level, or he will have to get a D from his W.
Here's the thing, you have already lost her. You're trying to hold on to a M that is dead. (I don't mean that you can't have a new M, even with her.) But, as thick as the fog A is with her, I don't think she is just going to wake up one morning and want you back. This A could carry on for a long time. IMO, a woman like this needs tough love, but that's me, not Michele.
Do you work at the same office as your W? Have you separated finances, etc.?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
