M exit strategy

[~ kd ~]

Yes, fair enough 25. I'm in "the zone" of good! lol

And of course, it ain't over 'til it's over. My big beef is, W lying flat in the face of fact. And then justifying it as it's none of my business, anyhow... ok... Until D, I will probably have more contact with W over many things, so I need to continue to put my positive face on and my best foot forward.

Thing is, (this is a small town and) there's many rumours regarding OM 35 and W. Of course, they are going out in public a lot, even though it is with other friends. So... duh... The public is judging and it will come back to haunt the kids.

*sigh*

So W uses D13 as messenger again. D13 texts and asks me to bring D8's overnight bag and bike helmet back to the house.

So... and of course, it's "move week", so I've got my "rugged" on... Three days facial growth, but in my comfortable but stylin' clothes on... clean... I toss on pit stick and cologne and off I go... Thinking happy thoughts. I'm looking good, feeling good, smelling good... all good...

Get to house, take stuff inside, W is in kitchen ignoring me. I call for D8 but not answering. Ask FS16 where D8 is and he goes to kitchen to get D8. W then comes out, comes to D8's stuff and does not look at me or acknowledge I'm there. I say "here's her stuff". And W walks away. Then... W's mood changes because D8 is grumpy, doesn't want bath but doesn't want the consequences.

W then lightens up to me and starts conversation. Asks how things are, blah, blah... She asks questions, I'm pleasant, smiling, etc. Give only what is necessary and keep moving towards door indicating need to go. This was way more than the two minutes I thought I'd be there.

Finally I get a chance to go and we say pleasant "see you"'s and off I go...

Yup... look what you're missing out on, chickie...

W's "new" (bought a great shape '07, sporty car from W's mom) car has a dent in passenger door. Guess she had a bit of a fender bender. I said nothing about it, nor did she.

She was so happy to have a "new" car. That's really gotta suck. Sorry, that's the evil me smiling. I really do feel sorry for W for the dent. And it's pretty major, too.

[islander]

Just got caught up on your sitch. A lot to take in. Sounds like you have handled yourself well for the most part. You just need to concentrate on you and the kids.

I, like you, was also the OM when my W and I first started dating. I knew she was married, but she left her H and said she wasn't going back. She did no leave home bc of me, but she was separated from him and we were dating. Though, it is definitely different than what is going on now. Still wasn't a good move on my part getting involved with a married woman.

And I have also decided that no matter what happens bw my W and I, I am married and will not get involved with anybody in any form until that changes.

[~ kd ~]

Hey all. I'm OK. Getting centered, things moved, etc, etc...

Just really f'd right about now. Stress, I guess. I'm just letting it all go but using this to... I don't know... not vent, but still... yeah vent...

Just got back to the store here from moving another load. Talk to the staff. Then, along comes two vehicles into the lot. A half ton and trailer and a black truck. Black truck looks like OM 35's truck.

Guy driving truck says "can I leave the truck and trailer here for a bit" I say "Yes". I know the guy, no problem.

Then black truck drives away. As I'm looking at the trailer, it finally dawns on me what I'm looking at. It is a play structure. Then, as it registers I realize it looks exactly like the play structure from our house... I wander over and look and sure enough, there's markings on it. It is my kids' play structure.

So... WTF? D8 still used it from time to time. It's a huge back yard. Why would W need to get rid of it?

And of course, insult to injury, OM 35 is hanging out at W's place helping move crap off the yard...

wow... He did not come to say anything to me. Probably a good thing...

[islander]

Kaffe,

I know it is hard seeing what you saw today. I think you handled yourself well. And yes, it was smart on his part avoiding you!

[~ kd ~]

Just further thoughts...

I'm doing some needed work on a project right now and have postponed further moving, which in itself is very stressful having to make the deadline of tomorrow. It socks and I might have to do an all nighter (and I don't do those well at my age)...

Anyhow, the trailer is still here and I'm sitting, thinking about this... and W has the gall to say that I'm snooping in her life...? I guess I was snooping about the video as well... Because it happened to be on the camera that I was grabbing the videos for my D13's boxing match from...

Also, just found out that W is now trying a homeopathic weight loss solution. W has struggled with weight loss. Since emotionally leaving the M last spring, W took up an aerobics class that the boxing club has. It's quite intense. She also got a tread mill (fancy one) from a friend who was getting rid of it in January. No cost as far as I know. She has other tread mills in the past and stops using them. This one's a massive one. Anyhow, W used it for a bit but I know she stopped using it by probably March. When she quit the boxing aerobics, it was to get into another aerobics class.

I think she looks good, even though she has some extra pounds. In my eyes, I never see that. But I can say that for the past year, she hasn't lost any obvious weight from what I can see in her face, neck and figure. I do know the homeopathic method works for those who stick true to it... W has a habit of hiding chocolates in her dresser drawers. I wish her the best in this, but feel bad that until she changes, she will keep going down that path for the rest of her life...

Anyhow, W had quit smoking when D8 was conceived. Two and a half years later she started smoking again. Breast feeding and all that. At that point, we were already hanging with OM 35 with enabling friends. He would always be on her about smoking. Eventually, W quit again about two years ago. OM 35 would comment and how he was pleased W quit and when she'd joke about starting again, he'd always tie into her about how she better not do that...

I have a strong suspicion (like... duh...) this very active attempt to loose weight is almost completely for OM 35's benefit.

Anyhow... just venting and rambling... If W thinks I JUDGE??! What is he doing? What is she doing to herself? How long will that honeymoon last...?

[~ kd ~]

well... after 40 hours (awake), the move is complete...

I don't think I can count on two hands how many times I said "I hater her"... but it never really stuck... and i tried to have an emotional break down around hour 28 and that didn't work too well either...

hmmmmm... i'm either more detached or I'm just too tired.

[25yearsmlc]

You are just tired. You are FAR from detached. Most of your posts are about her and what you think will happen to her or what you think she thinks/feels/does and you put a negative spin (critical) on most all of it. Instead of talking about HER diet or HER exercise programs, which you only have some knowledge of, why not talk about what YOU are doing to get healthy? Do NOT project negatives onto her activities...(why even comment on them?)...

That's NOT helping you emotionally and it hurts your R with her...so why keep doing it? You are tearing her down to make yourself feel or look better but it does NOT happen that way. You just feel worse and the R deteriorates even more...And it sounds like the old you, right? Stop backsliding. Forgive yourself, forgive her, and DETACH...(that won't happen over night but you have to start somewhere and right now I'd say DETACH and put a STOP SIGN in your mind when the thought of OM comes into your head. STOP GOING THERE....

Focus on you and what you CAN control, which is only you. What are the 180's you are doing? The GAL activities???

[~ kd ~]

Thanks 25.

It will be different, now. Because of the distance and because I actually now have to do something new, my day is not focused on doing a job.

I actually MUST work on GAL now, for no less a reason than my job is no longer my life. I am going to have a lot of free time and I will need to fill it up doing something.

[~ kd ~]

Well. I GAL'd well today.

A bit longer to get to city now. Had to run in to do some shopping. Missed some stores. Will have to go again, maybe tomorrow.

Anyhow, got new phone. Newest android on Sony Ericsson XPERIA Arc. Told important people of new number. Chatted D13 for a bit on it. She's impressed... Figure she'll be asking for a phone upgrade soon. lol

I had turned my old phone off. Went to diner at upscale restaurant. Flirted with waitress. I think the "big" phone got her attention... Turned old phone back on while there to transfer some extra contacts and text came in from W.

"Where r u?"

I didn't respond. None of her business. lol... Saturday night and she wants to know where I am? Usually means something else. A lead in to some ominous convo. She can email later if she wants.

I do find it funny that W was worried that I was snooping on her. Well, I did, but I don't any more. Not intentionally, for a long time. Anyhow, I know she'd keep her eye on me while I was close and easy to do so. Now that I'm much further away and in the "opposite direction", she has no idea what I am doing at any given time.

Awesome diner of caeser salad, maple salmon, and finished with apple crisp and iced cream. Some bizarre drink. Margarita with a beer in it...

Good day!

[~ kd ~]

Starsky: Sorry, I always seem to miss your replies. Not sure where they go but I usually see them after reviewing later. As far as "How's that working for you?" The answer is... "as expected." I only wait for mediation and D.

25: You asked if they are both my Ds. The answer is: legally yes, biologically, D13 is from my W's previous R. Regarding their physical safety, I am relatively confident. Their emotional safety? Not so much. In this matter, I would have to involve the police or child and family services. The kids will be emotionally affected, no matter what. I only provide a more stable, dare I say "mature" (or as we like to say "taking the high road") environment for the kids.

I just want to point out, as my W admitted in a more recent email, that she was not as "open" to my access to the kids in the past. Therefore, when a choice to have me watch over the kids because of a lack of baby sitters in W's pocket, she would choose to leave the kids to their own design, under the "watchful" eye of FS16.

While I did state to W much earlier in sitch that I would take the kids as often as I could, W would rather not hand the kids over to me because she was "going to party and stay out all night". She is very private about that in her life, with regards to me. The only reason I know these times happen is because either W is "naive" and thinks I won't find out, or W doesn't care that I find out, after the fact. Either way, W would never tell me before hand so that I could offer / demand to have the kids.