Tryin to do what works

[NEmoose43]

Thanks guys, it was either leave it alone until she said something or do the canceling myself. I'm going to decide this afternoon.

9, I just read a post you had on Denver's thread that really resonated with me as well. I cannot know for sure how honest she's really being with me regarding OM. For me to catch her outside his house and have her swear up and down that nothing was happening...well, it just scares me that the woman I married could lie to my face under those conditions. And I also cannot know for sure what kind of influence he actually has on her at this point.

My thought right now is just to try and exercise the patience that I have been so sorely lacking the last two months. She's done with school, and she'll either be here or at her parents tonight, so I know I need to act as if as hard as I possibly can at this point. I just miss her so much...I miss my best friend.

Is it possible for me to stand up for myself and still at least try to take her at her word? I don't know. I feel like I'm balanced on the edge of a very sharp knife right now. I'm going to pull back, I have to. But then she acknowledges that she's hurt me and swears that she still loves me and I haven't lost her, which is the worst part. I'd almost rather she acted like she didn't give a F and just straight-up left me. She ACTS like she still wants to try for us, she SAYS the right things.

I've reread a ton of Sandi and 25's notes and advice over the last day or so, and I understand that she's eating cake. And I also can see in her eyes and actions that she really has no idea what she wants. God please give me the patience to see this through, to give her the time and the space that she needs. And please give me the strength to be the man that I want to be FOR ME, and hopefully she'll see it.

Sorry guys, just feeling really beaten down by all this today. Not contacting her for three days has been hard...and it's probably magnified by her staying in contact with me so much.