WAW, and a bisexual open marriage

[25yearsmlc]

GB,

can you tell me the nature of the relapse? More importantly, what are your [b]short term goals with this m, and what are your 180s?
[/b]
I recall that some GAL had started and you were making new friends, getting male compnay, Good for you. But how about those questions above?

I really think if you set some realistic but hopeful goals that are measurable you will see progress and feel better and your motivation will improve.It cannot hurt.

Maybe goals such as "w will initiate an affectionate act", or "we'll interact and resolve SOME conflict or problem without either of us losing our temper or raising our voice..." and start with something VERY manageable, like who gets the car's oil changed or some goal that's not loaded with baggage and doesn't push her buttons or yours, and you both have a lot of them...

Finally, regardless of your w's childhood anecdotal experience with ONE T, whom she found to be clueless even though she was how old herself??? REGARDLESS,,,

she will have to get c sometime. The longer she waits, the more damage that gets done to you and the M, and the longer her baggage carries around with her and deepens its' hold on her. She has major baggage about intimacy so if she also resists getting professional help (and she REALLY RESISTS) aren't you wondering if you are merely prolonging the inevitable?

It seems to me she resists T partly b/c she resists changing at all. It's harder for her than being miserable...which is not healthy.

Nope, you cannot force her to go. I just think it's a bad sign. But you CAN go yourself. Why wouldn't you? You have a lot to deal with...as great as we all think we are here on this board, your issues are so intimate and private and the type of issue that a professional should handle, i have to urge you to go yourself. It's NOT the type of problem that solves itself, (or it would not have gotten worse).

Meantime, I'm torn about what to say re your needs. I'm tempted to say simply back off. NO R TALk AND NO "R" TOUCH... but how long can you handle that?

At its' root level, I don't get what her sex or ML problem is. Way back when you began here, you said she wanted MORE SEX with more people ("open M"), and now, it's no sex with any people? Or just no sex with you? I'm not being sarcastic, but am trying to re-cap b/c you post a lot and I want to make sure I'm getting the gist of this. Physically, you are in good shape, correct? (Sounds like it to me!) And so is she, although on the lean side? Sooo, what do you think is going on with her? If you can put that in a paragraph, it's worthwhile endeavor. Otherwise when we write about our WASs it can turn into a novel and we can't see the forest for the trees...keep it short and simple. What do YOU THINK, her basic problem with intimacy is? I really think it'll help us guide you b/c sometimes you're all over the place. The fighting, the pregnancy comments, moving, being bored, wrestling that goes too far, making out that doesn't go far enough, etc. Narrow it down some if you can. And yes we know this is just one side of the story.

Good luck