....she refuses to go to another counselor or therapist.
...I've seen in other threads how the wrong therapist can just screw everything up.
....As for myself I have been going to my own ic. He has been advocating for me to man up. Just wish he would have introduced me to NMMNG earlier oh well.
First you will have your work cut out for you, in finding a counselor for your wife.
I am really impressed that you have hooked up with a individual counselor. Way to go!
But, you seem to have a good group of friends or peers at your posting who are helping support you. Ask your friends to ask around to put you in touch with a "good" counselor for you and your wife. There are marriage counselors and there are sex therapists, who are marriage counselors with extra training. Based on your wife's saying she wants a lesbian relationship, I would suggest a sex therapist.
You correctly understand that you need good advice and that even then, you need to make sure it makes sense to you. As you say a bad counselor can screw things up.
MWD has a good article somewhere on choosing a counsel you might look around the website, but recommendations from people you know is probably best. If you are shooting in the dark, I favor a board certified sex therapist, and a marriage counselor trained in either the John Gottman method of marriage counseling or the Sue Johnson, Emotionally focused therapy approach. Both, see to be more effective.
Good luck to you and enjoy the weekend. Know for sure that your wife will surprise you. Think of what is likely to happen as your very own soap opera that in 15 years you will look back on and laugh about. Right now you are too close emotionally to things. In 15 years it will all seem so different.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
