Your description of your H's sequence is interesting and familiar.
1. Blaming others is a necessary first step--both refusing responsibility (after a lifetime of bending to the pressures of others to be responsible) and asserting that things are NOT all right, but in an angry, teenaged, unfocused way. 2. Blaming oneself is to assume the victim position, rather than assuming true responsibility. Refusing to place blame on the OW is yet another way of being the white knight who is rescuing the damsel in distress--so these are both ways of trying to make himself feel good about doing the right thing. 3. The infatuation endorphins wear off, and he sees that his fantasy was only ever a projection. 4. It's good that he is beginning to examine the reality of what he's done.
After this come many more steps: believing that he can be free from pain and conflict, facing his demons, realizing that love is a choice, reconsidering those he has demonized, learning to forgive himself and you, learning to communicate, learning appropriate boundaries (so that he won't feel guilt and codependence again)....
Your H sounds like a good man, and I hope that he continues to progress on his journey. Meanwhile, let him process his stuff while you work on your own. At some point, perhaps, you could mention Retrouvaille to him, but once you've planted the seed, don't bring it up again unless he himself does. I learned to force myself not to criticise, advise, share, etc, with my H, but rather to listen compassionately to him, and found that it drew him slowly towards me.
