The tricky thing about this sitch is that my H knows knows all this stuff even though he's ignoring it. He read all these books back in 2003 when we went through things in the first place. DR, The Sex Starved Marriage, The Road Less Travelled, The 5 Love Languages, etc. He participated on this board for at least a month or two.
It doesn't mean that these tactics don't work on him - they still do! However, he knows what I'm doing, he knows what I'm capable of doing and he knows I will work and fight for this thing til I can't fight anymore. He knows I believe there are ways to fix this. I pointed out examples from our own C session that we never followed up on and how we could have approached that with a different mindset, etc. He just thinks he knows it all right now and has made up his mind.
I'm not sure what to show him so that he would understand how things would be different in areas of desire/attraction specifically. I'm totally open to ideas. And yes, I think I've decided to get a DB coach instead of searching to find a pro-M counselor here. It'll work if I have to change states too that way.
There are good points to this sitch though and believe me, I am not missing them: * H has not moved out of the house. * While he has initiated talks about finances, splitting our possessions and my "timeline" here in this house, he hasn't made any major movement in the D arena. * H is trying to make himself open for talking although I think this is a huge mistake right now even though I backslid last night.
I think a good short-term goal is that I need to make him feel more comfortable in this house right now. Today he ducked out early for work (after 3 or 4 hours of sleep) before I woke up and he's got a birthday party to go to tonight so he'll be late. When this first happened he spent almost 5 days avoiding this house and that's just not good for either of us. So it's happy face, no R talk, be nice and put those neglected skills back into play.
I already started today by saying it was nice laughing with him last night and I would miss that in the future. (He said "I know.") I thanked him for doing the laundry, dishes and cleaning up the house. I offered to get him anything from the store as I was going there (came home to a house with barely any food). I offered to work around our schedules of car usage since we only have the one (he was going to approach all this like he didn't have a car and it was completely for my use).
