The big punch

[Redo]

People, I really help on this. Not sure how to process this in my head.

So i call up usual time at 4:30 to talk to daughter. Wife and daughter were at store so wife said she'll call up once they were home. Call then came in after 1 hr. Wife said that daughter was having dinner, so will not be able to talk to me today. I said thats okay and that i'll call up tomorrow. Then we had this convo.

W : "Hey did you see the decree response from my lawyer. Did you talk to your lawyer and do you have the response?"

M : "Oh wait, did your lawyer not hear from mine? I retained her this tuesday to represent me"

W : "Maybe my lawyer forgot. So you are retaining her. To discuss what?"

M : "Oh i wanted her to first go through the decree to make sure everything was okay. But the one thing i wanted was to have joint custody of daughter. You know i have been a good dad"

Wife immediately starts shouting on the phone.

W : "No you have not been a good dad. You visited her once after we left. You did not even offer to pay for her kindergarten until i mentioned it"

M : "Wife, you decided to take her away from her house. How am supposed to know how much the kindergarten cost?. You know that i've asked you the withdraw the money you wanted for kindergardten from the checking account?"

W : You know everytime i think i'll be little nice to you, this is how i get treated. I bent down a lot for you on this divorce. I wanted sole custody because daughter can get some idea of a happy family. If this was the issue, then why the divorce?"

M : "You tell me? All i want is to be part of daughter's life. She needs to know her dad too."

W : "You are playing dirty right now. If this is the path you are going to take us, then i want you to be in full therapy if you want joint custody. I know that you will rub off your physycological issues on her"

M : "Wife, look i retained out the lawyer so that these things can be discussed. right now you are dredging up the past, which is useless because we are already at the point of divorce"

Wife then just gets more mad and started shouting. I told her to talk to me when she has calmed down and we hung up...

I then talked to couple of my close friends at work. They said that since i threw a monkey wrench into wife's plans, she is freaking out.

Then i was heading home from work and wife calls again. I pick up the phone.

W : "Why did you pick up when i called earlier? "

M : "My boss was in my cube. I had to hang up"

W : "You are playing a very dirty game right now. You did not even visit daughter for her b-day (This is was feb, 8 days after i came back from india. I was in no state emotionally to go there at that time. Wife at one point said she knew that too). You did not even come when she was sick."

M : "Wife apart from the logistics, you just filed for divorce, took daughter to your folks place and whenever i tried call in the begining, kept giving me excuses to talk to daughter. If daughter was in our town, dont you we would have celebrated her b-day with a big party??. You decided to take her away."

W : "So are you planning to pull us to court?"

M : "I have no such intention. As i said, i just have one issue that i wanted to be addressed"

W : "You are the worst father. You were never a good husband. I know how you operate. I have seen you with others. When buying the house. When buying the car. I know how crush them"

M : "Wife if you know that about me, you also know in your heart that with you i was always a puppet. When you left in 2009, how many way did i try to woo you back. did you forget so soon. Yes, i am a very tough guy for outsiders. I do it for my family. But you know in your heart that with you i am putty. That is why i am in this mess emotionally"

W : "You think you can mess with me. I'll make you repent. I'll take you court and show them that you are not emotionally stable. (in 2004 i went through lil depression at work. One thing that helped me was keeping journal of my thoughts so i could work through my issues. When i came back to the US, i found that the journal was missing. I never suspected that my wife would take it. I always thought that i must have either thrown it away or mispalced it)."

M : "So you have my journal?"

wife silent.

M : "Wow i did not think you would come to this level. Look i am not interested in fighting with you or hurting you. You know very well that i did not place any requirement for you to be in austin"

W : "Think properly, how would the logistcis work out in austin. How would i take care of daughter and feed her if i am in austin"

M : "Look i never said i'll force you to be in austin. I know that you are happy with your family in dallas and you have help there. I would never do that. I am trying to show you that i am not trying to be vindictive or bad. I dont know why you have such a bad image of me after having known me for 11 years"

W : "Why dont you do us all a favor and just go back to india. Why are you even here???". she was hysterical at this point.

M : "Look, i want to be close to daughter. So no i will not be going back. But i now understand your intention of you wanting sole custody. What's surprising is that you still want 60% of the assets and full child support payments."

W : "Just do us a favor and just die"

Wife hung up the phone.

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Indians usually are secretive about domestic issues. Today i feel like i've given up my shame and posted all that happened. If it is too graphic, i am sorry.

At this point i am not even sure where to start my thought process.

1: All this time even though my family kept telling me that wife was being manipulative and that harbored very ill feelings, i brushed them aside and never believed them for a minute. I always thought that wife knew i was a decent dad. Went to every one of daughter's various doctor appointments, sometimes even cancelling my meetings at work. For this wife said that i missed 2 appts with her GE doctor. Yup, 2 out of some 60 odd appts.

2: I somehow never thought that wife wanted me totally out of the picture (asking me to go back to india). I have a lot of self pride. I came to the US on student visa for my graduate studies. I worked in the college kitchen and cleaned bathrooms to pay for myself at school. Yup, wife's family did ask me to apply for resident through wife because they thought it would be quicker. I did not like it, but did it. Honestly i have nothing in the US, apart from my daughter. My entire family is in India. The only reason for me to stay in the US is for my daughter so i can see her.

3: She somehow thinks i am out to get her. She and her family had this insider joke that i was a cat in the house and tiger outside the house. Yup, i could not argue worth anything with wife at home. But outside, yes I made sure i got the work done. I always had a very soft corner for wife.
One of the reasons i did not retain a lawyer is because i promised wife that i'll not fight her if she wanted out of the marriage. She now thinks that i out to get her. What she does not know is that i did tell me lawyer that i had no intention of this case going to court. If i have compromise, i will. Just 4 days ago, i honestly was ready to accept whatever was offered and close this case just so i can keep wife happy.

I guess what hurts like hell is that even in my wildest dreams, i did not think that my wife, the person who i could not even dream of leaving hates me like this.

I think whatever false hopes i had that we would reconcile have just been washed away.

Sorry, but i had to vent somewhere. Just a really really bad evening today.