Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[25yearsmlc]

I would support helping your child doing something for Mother's Day. If you feel so inclined, thank her for bringing them into your life. And then leave it at that and don't put "love, 9"...Just put ypur name there. Do nothing for her birthday. But Mother's Day...I feel like it's also a positive statement to your children, but maybe that's just me.

Who cares what OM does? Why does that even enter your brain? Enough. Re-read the post i sent and the other ones you found helpful.

Questions like "won't she realize she made a HUGE mistake?" and "Can she really be in love with OM?" are useless, rhetorical, destructive, and at this point, tiresome. Stop asking them.

When thoughts of OM come into your skull, put up a big STOP SIGN and don't go there anymore...

[ninelives]

Good one islander. Mission 9 indeed. That hits home.

I will follow 25's advice and do only something from the kids.We are going to simply buy her flowers. I will get her a card about her mother and how much she meant to me in my life and that is all.

No love signmatures, no expectations. Just being nice as 25 stated.

As she continues to be apart from our marriage, I want her to remember statments that she said in the past like

" you are the best, kindest person I know"

" You are such a good person, I am soo lucky I found you"

She has said things like that often and i got away from that person to her and became cold and some times mean.

If she finds it harder to walk away from a person like that, bonus, but even if she does , I want her to remember the real me.

A person that befriended alot of people and was kind and considerate. Not the bitter A hole that became a victim and played that role to a letter the last 6 months.

Just taking the high road. And yes everybody, I have a real difficult time with the OM , knowing who he is and where he came from. So this is my challenge and it wont be done overnight but I am going to work on it more.

Thanks again for all the input and the mild 2x4's.. I pray it gets through but nothing else is working for me on any level so maybe kindness, but not door mat behaviour will occur.

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[2stepboogie]

i got away from that person

And now you have to work to find him.

Acceptance doesn’t mean being weak, or allowing others to use us as doormats, or not acting when action is needed. Acceptance means dropping the mind stories that makes us suffer by keeping us mentally and emotionally bound to a situation. Being attached to the mind stories uses up energy needlessly, clouds thinking and drains energy; acceptance helps get past the mind story and address any moment or situation with clarity.

Things happen around us without our help. We may believe we are making things happen, however life just keeps flowing with or without our help

I have a real difficult time with the OM

You are a better man than me.

Taking the high road is tougher than it sounds it is a constant struggle but no one can hurt you unless you give them permission to.

I have been dropping off from posting recently because I feel like I should start living some of the advice I like to give. I am dealing with my own lost and my own feelings of conflict.

I wanted to drop by and check up on 9 because I see some of me in you.

Stay the course and learn to be a better person for yourself and for your children.

It is a daily struggle, sometimes hourly. I will leave you with this...................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY2Yct8LjOo

Hope you like it.

[sandi2]

It's hard for me to keep up with what you're going to be from day to day! Heck, I thought you had been treating her with kindness.

So, here's my thought for the day Since you find yourself single these days, and she is with slimeball, why can't you be the other man?

It's obvious you are not going to stop giving her the time of day, so why not quit thinking, talking, & acting like a jealous & jilted H......and take her away from slimeball?

[ninelives]

Whoa. I am getting more confused. Remember ladies, I am a jock. Phys Ed teacher. All kidding aside, Sandi, you know I respect your opinion as much as anybodies here but your last post has really confused me.

I have been hit with some mild 2x4's the last couple of days which seemed to suggest that I wasnt acting very kind towards my wife. I was pretty dark after her mom died in March and then there was the Easter fiasco where we almost acted like a married couple minus the intamcy ( some may argue , that is the married couple) and after that , I have been more or less dark with her where I only respond to her when children are involved.

Are you suggesting that I persue now and try and win her back from OM? YOu are right , I was acting like the jealous H. My plan was to remain relatively dark but respond to her texts with a little more light banter instead of my curt, one word responses.

Is that not the way to go now? Do you think I should stop giving her the time of day instead because I really was doing just that and it P1ssed her off but maybe that was a cheesless tunnel.

I dont condone what she is doing, OM is there as we speak as I just dropped off youngest son at dance and his truck is in the driveway but that didnt surprise me. Still gave me a jolt.
(Before anyone says Im stalking, Im not, no choice but to go that way in this one horse town, didnt have to look but i did)

To be honest Sandi, Im not sure if you are kidding here because you do have a sense of humour I noticed over the months.

Please clarify and tell me if you think 25's advice is not the way to go. I am confused at the moment.

I respect both of you but it seems that your advice is completely the opposite of 25's.

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[FaithnAK]

Whoa. I am getting more confused. Remember ladies, I am a jock. Phys Ed teacher. All kidding aside, Sandi, you know I respect your opinion as much as anybodies here but your last post has really confused me.

I have been hit with some mild 2x4's the last couple of days which seemed to suggest that I wasnt acting very kind towards my wife. I was pretty dark after her mom died in March and then there was the Easter fiasco where we almost acted like a married couple minus the intamcy ( some may argue , that is the married couple) and after that , I have been more or less dark with her where I only respond to her when children are involved.

Are you suggesting that I persue now and try and win her back from OM? YOu are right , I was acting like the jealous H. My plan was to remain relatively dark but respond to her texts with a little more light banter instead of my curt, one word responses.

Is that not the way to go now? Do you think I should stop giving her the time of day instead because I really was doing just that and it P1ssed her off but maybe that was a cheesless tunnel.

I dont condone what she is doing, OM is there as we speak as I just dropped off youngest son at dance and his truck is in the driveway but that didnt surprise me. Still gave me a jolt.
(Before anyone says Im stalking, Im not, no choice but to go that way in this one horse town, didnt have to look but i did)

To be honest Sandi, Im not sure if you are kidding here because you do have a sense of humour I noticed over the months.

Please clarify and tell me if you think 25's advice is not the way to go. I am confused at the moment.

I respect both of you but it seems that your advice is completely the opposite of 25's.

???????????????????????????????????/?

9

9, No disrespect but are you friggin kidding me?!Re-read Sandi and 25's post. Its clear to me.

Quit relying on every word from them or us. Realize the sitch and and MAKE your own decisions. We will help you, but you have to interpret the advice on your own.

You are paralyzed right now. Whether fear or anger, you are paralyzed. If Sandi and 25 write out your words for you, you might have to pay them for their services

Just re-read and un-paralyze yourself. You will be amazed at what you can find in you. It's there I see it in your posts.

[ninelives]

Thanks Ak,

Yeah, I dont mind 2x4s and I am getting used to them but I think I am also making less mistakes. Knock on wood,and I have enough 2x4s here to knock on wood easily.

I am really trying to figure out the advice because despite decent advice I give, I dont always do the right thing on my own and want to really follow advice from successful vets for a while to the letter.

Thanks for piping in, AK

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[ninelives]

Worked around the house today. Raking , tidying. First stage in getting the pool ready. Leaves out and so on.

Got flowers for tomorrow from kids and a Mothers day card from them.

I think I m just going to put a small note acknowledging her as a good mother.( a bit of a stretch these days but she was an amazing mother at times ) and a little note telling her that I know how tough this day must be for her in light of her mother's death. Light and simple , no i love you etc..

While I was raking today, young son ran up to me with tears. I gave him a little heck today as he went swimming in really cold water at the lake. Im concerned about the temp of water.

Anyway, I ask him whats wrong, he tells me he thinks he was in trouble for the swimming. I hug and kiss him and tell him he is not in any trouble at all. That he is the most important thing in my life and that not to be silly. I ask if there is anything else bothering him.

He says, " just everything" My heart skips a beat and starts to ache. Like what I ask.

Granny's death, the thing I dont like to talk about. Meaning our separation.

I tried to explain to him the serenity prayer. He didnt get it at first but I think he got it at the end as I gave him some examples. He said he was said that mom and dad arent together and I said, I am too but like I just told you , there are some things we cant change and we have to accept them.

He was also hungry which also puts him in a state. Always has since he was a baby.

Today, I am feeling a little down and even had a little episode myself after his. Remembered my own advice to son but still a little down.

When I do repetition work like raking,my mind always goes to her.
Making it so tought to really detach. Went to grocery store and saw Om 's best man at the store. Awkward for him, I just said hello and went about my business. He is a former student of mine and really socially awkward, almost challenged one might say. Perfect best man for scumbag but I digress.

That is one thing about living in such a small town, there are always reminders of some sort.

Well , there is more raking to be done. And oldest son wants on computer, FB his new crush. He also told me today he wanted to start working out. Wow, knock me over with a feather. That is what woman will do for or to you.

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[islander]

9, thanks for your support today. I couldn't make it without you guys.

I know what you mean about the work around the house reminding you of your W. I painted today and had to use a small art brush to get next to the ceiling. This is what my W used to do while I used the roller. This is something that we had planned to do together to. Oh well. Woe is me...

Have a good night man, I am back to kot having much advice...my mind is clouded again

[ninelives]

Happy Mothers day everyone:

I know it will be a struggle for many on this board.

I bought some flowers from my boys and a card. Youngest son also bought flowers for her garden to plant.

I just slipped in a hand written note in their card supporting her on this tough day since her MOM just passed away and this will be the first mother's day without her mom.

I basically urged her to Yes , think of her mom today but not to MOURN her too much but rather celebrate the 84 years she had her and the blessing she had. ( Children, grand children, great grand children) And to focus on the positives today, Namely her children that love her .

I did write that she was a great mom and shared one memorable story about each kid where she demonstrated that.

Im following 25 , Denver, AK's and Country's advice to be more positive. I simply signed my name to it, no expectations. I think it was just a simple nice thing to do.

NOw i will have no contact with her for the rest of the day.

BTW Islander, dont worry about advice, its not always neccessary.
Just touching base is all thats required most time and to know that you are there supporting. Thats what this board is all about I think.

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