Have you read DR? If not I think you ought to start there.
If she's out buying wine and clothes and hanging with friends, I wonder if she's not got some other behaviors that might be indicative of MLC.
You may also want to really think about what she's saying about your controling behavior. On the one hand, it sounds like she pretty much does what she wants anyway, or perhaps that's recent with the S and D. On the other hand, maybe you are too controling. It's hard to imagine that you could spend 23 years together with both of you vying for control. Were your daily lives very separate from one another?
