First, read DR first, because it’s targeted more for the LB spouse. Second, absolutely talk with her about kid issues when it is necessary, but stick to the kids and not the R. Third, you’re doing good to give her space. I think going dark is good for when things get really bad or when you need a break from the situation. Sometimes everything I said, no matter how innocuous ticked off my H; other times I didn’t trust myself not to say something. Those were the best times to go dark. There are some good signs that she’s still rethinking the situation and giving her space to think it through is a good idea. Maybe going with low contact is good. All you have to do is avoid R talk. I can’t tell you whether or not to move in with a friend. She may think you don’t want to be around her. She may think it considerate that you would accommodate her comfort by letting her have the bedroom back. She might decide you should stay with your friends permanently so that she doesn’t need an apartment. If you stay, she might just be forced to watch you GAL and making positive changes. It might also be torture for you to watch her leave. How do you think the kids would react to you being gone, while their mother is moving? You know her and your sitch better than me, so you’ll have to make the call. Sarcasm is interesting. I work with a person who has a sarcastic wit that I love. I work with another person who hates it and wants to strangle him. Some people take sarcasm the wrong way. Some people appreciate a little sarcasm, but find it wearisome after a while. You might try dialing it back and seeing if that changes how your W interacts with you. Regardless of whether that’s part of the problem or not, you do want to help your wife feel safe talking to you. As for whether you should give her the money… that’s up to you. If you can afford it easily then it won’t hurt to be magnanimous. It might help your marriage. It might hit you and your W down the road if you end up getting a D. Good luck! --z
